I Lived In a Sexless Marriage

I lived in a sexless marriage for 4 years of my life and they were the most soul destroying feelings I have ever felt.I would make an effort to look good and hope my partner would pay me attention or notice me,to him it was like i was invisible.Eventually I decided to have an affair to see if that would forfil the emptyness I felt inside,but it did not as the person I had an affair with only wanted sex while I wanted to feel the deep longing of intamacy,it was then I realised i needed to sort my life out and not continue in this pattern of self destruction,because that it what was beggining to happen to me.Every time my partner rejected me i felt less and less as a person,I also felt humiliated and degraded.I asked my self why did I put up with this.I found my answer in conceling.

Some times familiarity no matter how bad can seem more tempting than the fear of an unknown future,and some of us because of our various life experiences may develope inter dependency relationships,which are mainly not healthy ,as they are not often based on a basis of love but rather on a need,that one relys on the other for.I would advice this  to any one in a sexless marriage,try and talk to your partner and see if he will consider counseling to help him and you explore what is the problem that he cant give you love and effection and if that does not work I would say save your sanity, for feeling unwanted and unloved will eventualy wear you down,you may be scared of being on your own,but if you look  closely at the situation you are on your own now.

fairy fairy
41-45, F
4 Responses Jul 3, 2007

Its really a f*****g **** experience for those who go through it

Well said, and from your Heart !I wish that you and those who read your words of wisdom all find the Joy as well as the pleasure that they seek.

"And when it comes right down to it <br />
We're really all alone <br />
Unless we want someone to own <br />
And run the life we live..." --from "Summer Weaving", by Melanie (Safka)

Hi fairy...wisest words I have read today. you are so right, and I would imagine that the problem lies not only in the person who won't give the sexual intimacy but also in the other person, who has, as you say, some interdependency. I enjoyed your post, and I hope when I return to US in a month or so to go into counseling to learn a few things about myself. How are you doing now? and what are you doing with your life?