I've Forgotten How Sex Feels

I have been married for 25 years to the same man but we haven't had sex in over four years. First it was because we both worked so hard and long hours that it didn't matter. Now we are retired but still don't make love. I have asked if "it works" and he said sometimes. We finally tried this weekend and it didn't work. We hardly hug or kiss. I miss the closeness we once had.

lostintampa lostintampa
41-45, F
4 Responses Jul 9, 2007

not had sex now for over a year, life goes on and I have found other things not sexual that we do and are very happy, yes we still kiss and the odd cuddle.

I dont want to seem flippant but there is a n Irish saying "use it or lose it"" & that is the problem with a lot of us males. We dont keep the equipment ready for our opportunity when it comes along & I guess that that could be part of your mans problem!<br />
Personally I am fortunate that I have been lucky but nature needs a kind lady's tongue s/times & thats the best supplement of all. I wish you well in your efforts!

lostintampa: <br />
the fact that your partner is willing to even try is very good news. I don't know what kind of leverage you have to discuss such things, or how (over) sensitive your husband is to certain topics, but working with Diet, Exercise, and Testosterone supplements could make him feel 1000% better. Admittedly you've provided only an outline, (obviously, none of us give too much detail) but it sounds like you two could get back into each other big time. Aren't there things you like to explore together? Travel? Food? Philosophy? Philanthropy? Music? Dancing? Where are the hot buttons, the passionate feelings? Don't give up until it's obvious that your partner is a boat anchor trying to take you down with him.

I am not wanting to have an affair, but I would like some advice on how to bring the spark back. It used to be so great then we lost ourselves to our jobs and forgot how to be close. I just want to be close again.