Help Needed

I can't say that I don't have sex with my husband....but it is not very often. In fact we went 3 months without before I stepped up and got him to do it...even that was unsatisfying. I want him to want me, I get off on knowing that I have the power to excite him.....to get him instantly arroused just by standing there naked...or exposing parts of me to him. But the last time we did anything he was less then interested in my naked body standing in front of him....took him some time to get him arroused. It made me sad that he seemed less then interested and I didn't enjoy the sex. It is always so on and off with him, this last time though was along time...much like BEFORE (long story would rather not get into it) he was just uninterested in sex with me. I have not changed in any way ...except getting things in our life put together, something we BOTH wanted...in fact he probably wanted it more. So why?

Then there is the issue this morning. When I went to find the adress to one of the sites I go to, I seen a new adress in the scroll bar...I knew what it was because I have seen it before...but never in the scroll bar....so I clicked on it and sure enough it was a p0rn site!  Ok I am not the kind of wife to get all bent out of shape because my husband looks at p0rn, in fact we share a collection (small one) of mags and videos..it is exciting to watch them together....but what I do have an issue with is when he is j3rking off to p0rn and not having sex with his wife for SO long...again I don't mind the j3rking off....but when that is all he is doing it bothers me that he would rather do THAT instead of me! I also check the history, and sure enough he had a few favs off that site...enough that he checked out their MySpace pages! I will say on that though one of them looked a lot like me...same hair/body type (sort of)...so that made me feel better, but still Why not just DO ME?!?! And why did he have to take it SO far as to go to their sites? There is more to it but it gets into that thing I don't want to say....and that REALLY bothers me.

Anyway 

It isn't like I haven't tried a few things....like being very forward that I wanted to have sex....that only brought "I am to tiered" or "i am not in the mood" from him!  I also tried just leaving him be to come on to me instead...let me know when he was in the mood or wasn't to tiered....and you see what that got me! A BIG NOTHING and him looking at p0rn to get off! Then I have tried just being naughty...like exposing myself to him....that got me a little farther, but I told you that much.

So if his sex drive is Obviously in tact...then what is wrong with ME that I am undesirable to him to this point? I am not dirty, smelly, I liike to try new things sexually...am always willing to explore to make things interesting....so what am I doing so wrong that he doesn't want me?

I am sexually frustrated and worried that it is something else (goes with the long sory). I want to have sex with my HUSBAND!!!

As of this morning though he told me, after I confronted him about the p0rn site, that he wants it in the morning...ok fine, I can do that after all I LIKE morning sex....in fact I have told him that before and actually ASKED him to just surprise me one morning with it...never happened....So he knows I like morning sex, that I am willing to be woken up for it....has known this for a long time....but hasn't done anything? Hmph.....we will see if my reminder of that does anything....I have my doubts, but who knows.

Oh before I forget.....he like video games...he has an Xbox 360 and plays just about every day...I often wonder if this could be part of it....but then I remember the time when he didn't have anything to play with except me, and he still didn't. though it could be different things at different times...I just would like to know how I can have a healthy sex life with him! We haven't been married for THAT long!! 3 years NOVEMBER together for 6 years same month!

dreamin2183 dreamin2183
22-25, F
5 Responses Jul 12, 2007

Dreamin, my guess is that he either is getting it elsewhere or he has some problem with you that he wont talk about. I have no idea which it could be, but it most certainly is one of the two. If you guys have open communication you could try discussing the whole thing with him and be ready to hear some criticism that might be hurtful. He probably wont mean it to be, but getting to the root cause of the problem is probably going to be painful for you both. I hope you can find a way to do it in a way that preserves your relationship. I wish you luck and if you feel like discussing it with me, I am happy to do so.

Dreamin, my husband also looks at ****. At times, I do watch with him. He will actually begs me to watch with him at times. But, he always comes to me. The fact that your husband is not going to you does alarm me that there might be a problem. Maybe, you should suggest marriage counseling. Welcome to EP. ((((hugs))))

Are we married to he same man? You have described my hubby to a 'T' - I feel your pain and wish I had solutions - nothing I have tried has worked.<br />
Good Luck!

dreamin2183: it's good that your not letting it slide any further. The facts say he's putting a wall up. It may be difficult to get to the reason. I say, whatever the reason, sometimes people only do stupid **** because they can get away with it. Don't let him get away with it. If that requires dropping an A-bomb ultimatum (and the follow-through), then the combined experience here seems to say: DO IT.

Here are my comments, I was told by my wife who is 49 that it is more common for woman to experience this lack of desire then it is for men. I can only relate to my own experience and for us I have all the desire and she does not. I still watch some **** and really it only makes me want sex with my partner more. We have been married for 27 years and I would love to explore the Hotwife lifestyle. Only try it first, because from all I have read, this always increases the womans sexual desire as well if the couple is sound,it enhances their relationship as well. The key here is I want to do this together, not me or her isolated from each other. I know what it feels like to be the one with the desire and the other one with little or no desire. From the postings I have read, I can't help but be suspicios that there is an underlying issue causing my wife to have little sexual desire. If there is, she is certainly not sharing this with me. What do you think? Is there an underlying issue or is it just a lack of desire due to the fact this happens to some woman as they age, even though there is no longer the issues of raising a family, etc.

I said in another posting elsewhere here that if you are healthy and have a normal sex drive and you arent doing with your significant other, say more often than once a month, there is a serious problem. Figuring out what it is may take the rest of the marriage to do so. It took me 7 years in my first marriage to find out why the wife didnt want it...and I didnt like the answer. She was dealing it out of both britches legs to anyone that would have her and denying me. So if its like that its time to give them a wake up call with an ultimatum and follow through. The only left to do if nothing changes is hold the funeral and the wake and move on.