The Hardest Thing

Im taking of my M.D. husband who is dying. He is 25 yrs my senior. I love him dearly and feel very guilty for wanting what my body needs.

I have been without sex for over a year now. Im no sex maniac but wow I feel the want of a man to hold me, want me  and make passionate love to me. I am a sexual person and love to express myself that way. I would feel overwhelming guilt for even thinking about an affair. I too ********** but it just feels empty. My husband is a wonderful man and we have had a good marriage for 12 yrs. This is one of the hardest things in my life.

Susieq Susieq
36-40, F
4 Responses Jul 13, 2007

It is never an easy choice.

I am unsure of the ages here....and of course unsure of his medical standpoint....if he is UNable to have sex...may I suggest that, if he is willing, he touch you while you **********...kiss and fondle you. I know this is not the same as true intamacy..however it may give you more satisfaction having him there with you while you do it. Also, you could cuddle, hug, kiss and talk more often giving you, and him, some feeling of a different intamacy! Don't wait for HIM to try and cuddle you, because as you have gotten in the habit (assuming of course) of NOT doing this that he wouldn't even think about it , having nothing to do with you...just habit. I may also add that leaving the "He's dying" out of it and enjoy your time with each other in anyway you can in a happy tone..insted of being stuck on the dying all the time letting it bring you down. By no means do you have to forget it, put it on the back burner or anything.....but don't let his last years or yours with him be filled with it constantly...make more good memories to carry with you for a long time.<br />
i am not an expert, all I can offer you is thoughts that have come to mind reading this, I do not know you or the situation forgive me if I have suggested things you already do/thought about doing or that are not possible at all. <br />
My heart goes out to you, i could not even begin to imagine the hurt you must feel deep down...and by no means do I think that you should feel guilty for wanting what your body is NATURAL to feel it, you are a good person to not want it elsewhere or to leave him for it. <br />
Good luck to you, I am here if you need someone to speak to! old are you? What a touching story. It is great that you care for him and should not be ashamed of your needs. This is one thing I often think of when there are age differences in marriage though...that you have a "temporada" when things are wonderful, and then time does what it will and the age difference causes havoc. But Iam sure you went into this full well knowing and willing to have that love and risk its loss. Good luck to you and your husband, and hang in there. You r situation is a bit different from that of the folks here I think, but it is a nice place to unburden yourself and hear some good advice.

Susieq -<br />
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Your situation is far different from most that are posted in this venue. Nevertheless, my heart is out to you. You are missing the passion in your life and you fear for your husband all at the same time. You are living a most difficult life. I truely wish you the best and admire you for standing by your husband. You take your wedding vows seriously and I respect you for that.