Sexless Marriage!

I don't know whether there are many females like me out there?

I was a divorced mum with 5 children, working, having my own home, a bit lonely as most people are when your on your own. I felt really good about myself, I would date guys and have sex occasionally, it was good but there was no emotional connection!!!

Just over two years ago I met this amazing man, we just clicked. He got on well with my children and I like his two boys.

I feel crazy looking back, why did I continue this relationship, I know I love him but it is just hard work.....

When ever we where intimate, it was so passionate - but for some reason he would just stop, it was obvious he wasn't aroused or (hard), I wanted more. Neither of us are particularly religious so he wasn't waiting till we were married. 

He was making all types of excuses like he was nervous, tired, wanted to take his time (2hours later, I'd be exhausted but no sexual response or should I say nothing happening excepted me being frustrated). Occasionally he would get it up, but he would just focus on himself and then he would finish! He was never selfish, once he was done he encourage me to finish myself.

I tried to talk to him about it, he would just say "its not your its me, I'll sort it out".

I was and am know convinced that he is not attracted to me, it hurts so bad!!!!!

My husband said to me if we where married he would be able to perform because he would be a one with me, (or something along those lines). So three months later we got married. It took 3 days before we had what he classed as sex, him being in me really quick and then me finishing myself off. To me it was like, if he thought about me, he just couldn't be aroused.

I would catch him ************, so I knew he worked. We would discuss it over and over, generally with me in tears feeling disgusting about myself. He kept reassuring me that it was him not me and he would get help, just leave it to him, it was getting harder to believe him. Even with Viagra he couldn't make love to me!

I wondered why he was with me and I still do, the  lack of intimacy makes other areas of our life harder. I feel like we are friends.

Now I know everyone is going to think I'm mad!!! My husband said we should have a child together, it would make us so much closer. I was so emotional and wanted to do anything to make this marriage work, so I agreed.

It took 12months to fall pregnant, only because we only had sex about 5 times. Guess what, I',m 7 months pregnant and have had sex twice.

The worst thing about all of this is I'm too scared to try anymore when we did try I gave up after 20minutes of no reaction and would turn over devastated..... he would have a sleepless night worrying about me but the next morning he'd forget about it. I know he looks after himself in the shower!

It really hurts, I wanted him so much. I look at him know with anger and sadness, I feel like he's not even a man. I feel pretty sure he's not gay????

Every now and then I blow up at him in an emotional rage, . He apologises, tells me I am beautiful and says exactly the same things (he'll get help!)

I feel so unattractive and unhappy......I wish he would just be honest with me.





Sounreal Sounreal
4 Responses Dec 25, 2008

I think he has a sexual fetish that he feels hesitant to share with you.

So many thoughts on the matter, I think I was insecure and just really wanted to believe things would change. (I know that's not smart and I have to live with my bad decisions forever!)<br />
I think posting my story has opened my eyes! I need to take time to think all of this through.<br />
Thanks All

Intentions are often just lies with a good reputation. I'm more concerned that you realized there were serious problems with this relationship and yet you went on to get married and then create a permanent link to this man with a baby. You mentioned you've caught him servicing himself but was he using any **** and if so what kind? He could possibly be gay. That would explain his ability to please himself but not you. Just because he has kids doesn't mean he's hetero. You need to give this guy a loving ultimatum. Come clean or else. You might also want to check around prior to this and look for viewing material, either online or in print. I would also strongly suggest personal counseling to root out why you felt desparate enough to make this apparent poor choice. I have no doubt you think your kids deserve the best so why not you? I'm not saying all this to make you feel bad but to help you avoid a potential train wreck I sense is coming.

Thanks for your honesty, I think counseling is the way to go. I think I get caught up in how I'm feeling, I have stopped showing him that I love him. I mean I say it but I have no patients with him so I probably don't show it!