I've been married for 15 years.  My wife and I have sex once a month to once every other month.  It's hard to describe the emotions that run through me after I am rejected week after week and sometimes month after month.  To a certain extent I feel that it is my fault for having married her.  When we were first dating we had sex whenever we were together.  However after a short while it did slow down a lot.  Part of it was that she had an std (thankfully I never caught it....) that she became aware of shortly after we dated.  After being treated it was painful for her to have sex.  I believed that with patience and time that she would get past it/become cured.  Knowing this I still married her.

Now on those rare moments when we have sex... it still is sometimes painful for her and sometimes it's not.... Is this normal? 

I have become so frustrated that I'm really tempted go outside the marriage.  I've recently had an employee of mine (she's married) say to me that she also is unhappy with her marriage and wants to have a sexual realtionship with me.  No strings attached sex.... we would meet weekly and just f--k.  Tempted as I am I would be insane to go through with that.  Not just because she and I work at the same company... but because I am one of the principals in the company (even though she doesn't work for me directly).  This has made want to find someone else who is unhappily married and is looking for something we can't find in our own marriage.

I don't have the balls to end our marriage.  Primarily I am afraid of being pushed out my children's lives. But I can't keep on going on like this!


frankwilli frankwilli
41-45, M
10 Responses Jul 19, 2007

I am a widow. My husband died 41/2 years ago. I lived in a sexless marriage for 20 years. Also no affection of any kind. I am starved for affection and physical contact. I now have not had sex in almost 25 years. I am hoping that someday I will find someone but I am doubtful. I cannot stand the idea of living the rest of my life without sex or love. It totally destroyed me both emotionally and physically to live like that . Since his death, I have worked hard to change my life and gotten myself back but I still have no one. I just don't know what to do. I am hoping for a miracle.

I reckon it helps knowing I am not alone! My wife has moved into the spare room to prevent my advances. I now feel my marital status is "separated" but with the all the encumbrances of marriage.

yea me too, my husband prefers to look at ****,says he don't jack off, but who looks at **** just for the heck of it. without no intentions of getting excited? we have not had sex in 6 months, and now i sleep in my own room. i consider myself to be c c tot, cook,clean and take care of the fact that he is an alcoholic. can't get any better than that, right?

You have sex about as often as I do. I can understand your frustration. I am rejected quite often. I have been on the other side of this, however. I dated a girl to whom I was not attracted and didn't want to have sex with her. Sex was pretty much a chore. I think my wife feels this way about me. We've only been married two years, but I'm afraid it's going to end up in divorce...eventually. She will most likely decide she deserves better and leave me. <br />
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I'm not saying this is why your wife won't have sex with you. Obviously, you know why she won't have sex with you, and it's a little understandable. Still, I can understand your frustration as I can now also understand my ex-girlfriend's frustration.

Hi there;<br />
It sounds to me like you don't have much choice but to seek sex elswhere. I have almost the opposite problem. My sex drive has changed over the years and now my wife finds she wants it more often than me. We're both in out fifties and I guess it's normal for things to change. I used to chase her around the bed all the time. One thing I've been thinking about is sharing her. I've always had a want to watch her with someone else and maybe that would be helpful for her too. I don't know where you are, what your age is or if you're interested, but if you'd like to talk about it you can email me at blind_bay@hotmail,com. Who knows.

Do NOT get involved with someone at your workplace. It will, no doubt, end in disaster. In my experience, "no strings attached" does not exist. One party will inevitably develop feelings no matter what the intentions going in. Just know that once you cross one line, the rest become so blurred that you may not recognize yourself in time. If you cannot continue to live with the rejection, be fair to yourself and your wife and separate. Time apart can lead to clarity. Staying in an unhappy situation and "wishing" your life away distorts reality.

just make sure that you don't have feelings for your wife anymore before considering divorce

Hmmm, interesting posts--I'm the woman in the same situation with spouse-he wasn't interested in sex-no strings sex-is there such a thing?

Good luck.. I'm not sure finding a no strings sex partner is the best idea but I won't judge because I'm not in your shoes. However, if you do want to stay within your marriage have you considered "Vaginal Rejuvination surgery" Their are specialist out their that will repair most of the damage down their. If that is not an option would your wife be willing to enter into an open marriage?

I feel your frustration. I've had similiar offers and know how hard it is to turn down that offer specially when you are not satified at home. I'm in a position of power in entertainment industry dealing with very attractive people who are willing to do anything to get ahead. Sometimes I just want to shoot my penis off.