Me Too.

I was married for 10 yrs and my husband died of brain cancer 4 yrs ago. I have since had a baby and gotten married and our daughter is now 2. Since her birth, we have had sex only once. I have cried, pleaded, begged and asked all sorts of questions to try to understand what the problem is. I no longer feel sexy, desirable, or even vital. I cry a lot too. (I have read other stories). I wonder if I made a dreadful mistake and I have also moved to another country to be with this man. I am homesick, sexless, and lonely. I have considered an affair, but with a lovely daughter feel it too risky. It is a great relief to have found this site. The most important feeling of "I am not alone." Perhaps I can survive this as well. We are in counseling, although it is not with a sex therapist. I am beginning to think that it would be a better use of our resources to switch. I think that's about it for now. Thanks.
fridakahlo fridakahlo
46-50, F
10 Responses Jul 21, 2007

I don't know if your husband feels sex is only for the purposes of procreation, or what it might be. But it seems like a kind of betrayal if things don't turn out the way you felt they would. If someone starts out wanting to make love a lot, and then that changes on circumstances, it seems like you have been trapped.

I am strong enough to handle the likes of jamcojay. There is strong evidence within the community of widowhood that a strong, happy, and fulfilling marriage broken by death is often followed by a strong desire the remarry and a remarriage within two years of the death of said partner. My late husband knew of, and wanted me to remarry as he himself had been a widower. He and my current husband knew one another. I appreciate everyone's support. It goes a long way. As I had stated, we are in counseling and hopefully can get past this barrier.<br />
It's unfortunate that someone such as jamcojay chooses this forum or ones like it to "call it as he sees it". I will continue to seek support when I feel low. I know for a fact this is the way to survive and to keep one's head above the water line. Again, I am most grateful for the support from each of you.

I'll take my discussion with Jamco "Mr. Rokkit Sciuntist" Jay outside... I mean, outside the forum.

Sorry Ladies, Just called it how I saw it. I got some hate mail from Grendelan, seems she I mean I think it's a he doesn't feel like responding.<br />
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Anyway my point is most women do marry before their last husband is even cold in the grave. To me it looks like Karma caught up on this one. Maybe I should have chosen my words better. I don't think my last comment was that bad. As for not being around here, I have been around here for awhile.<br />
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Have a nice evening ladies.

Feel free to ignore "jamco jay", he's not from around here. You're not alone, I hope this group can provide you some solace... maybe even a solution or two.

Welcome to this elite band of people who one day will rule the world! your story tho different from mine has the same connection we are deprived of the "glue" that bind all good marriages together.<br />
I feel for you & the torment that wrecks your mind....but draw solace from the words of a great leader of the Irish rebels of 1916 who said...its not those who inflict the most but those who endure the most will survive.....I salute you & may peace be with you

Thank you to those who are welcoming. As for Jamco jay, my best to you. <br />
I am doing much better today and am trying to focus on the little things that my new husband does to show his deep love for me. It isn't always easy to do, of course. Thank you, ElleMeza, for your encouragement to hang in and to do the right thing.<br />
I try to live with hope each and every day, but truth be told, there are those days when hope feels like a stranger.

Thank you to those who are welcoming. As for Jamco jay, my best to you. <br />
I am doing much better today and am trying to focus on the little things that my new husband does to show his deep love for me. It isn't always easy to do, of course. Thank you, ElleMeza, for your encouragement to hang in and to do the right thing.<br />
I try to live with hope each and every day, but truth be told, there are those days when hope feels like a stranger.

well i'm not sure jamcojay's comment was very comforting. feel free to keep talking. there are some of us out there who are sympathetic...

I always wondered about chicks who married quickly after their husbands die. Kinda a kick in the face to the dead guy. Good luck with your new marriage though sounds like a winner.