So We Are a Sexless Couple Now....

My husband and I have not had sex in a week.. which really isnt that long. But he has made it clear that he never wants to do it ever again...He wants nothing to do with me....Fun stuff how do you deal with it...

Jemado Jemado
22-25, F
14 Responses Jan 7, 2009

Jernado, you say "It is him telling me what to do and I have to do it." No, you do not have to do what he tells you to do. You are his wife, not his slave or his property. This is the U.S. in the 21st century. Sugarbear and PrincessMore gave you some good information and advice. You absolutely do not have to put up with this kind of crap from him. The law and military policy are on your side.

In a normal marriage I understand we should be equal partners but thats kinda my point here we dont have a normal marriage. It is him telling me what to do and I have to do it. We live on base so I would have to go off base to find a job meaning I need a car but he will not allow me to purchase one. He does not nor has never had a drivers license so he doesnt see the need for a car.<br />
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yes I am sure she has epilepsy it runs in my moms side of the family and she has had a few MRI's and EEG's done to check her out.

Rah, rah, SugarBear! I was just about to say some of that but you did it so much more eloquently!<br />
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Now, this business about your husband won't "let you" have a job. No, husbands don't "let" their wives do anything. Equal partners respect each other and if you want a job, you get one. No one can prevent you except you. <br />
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Your baby's epilepsy. I'm sorry about this but are you sure it's epilepsy? My niece had terrible trouble and they were sure she was epileptic, etc. -- turned out she had a hernia in her stomach causing acid reflux which caused seizures in such a young child. I'd get a second opinion *especially* if the baby is taking medications. <br />
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No one is as Catholic as my family. Hell, the family tree shows us Catholic back to the freaking middle ages! True! French Catholics too. Leave the SOB and don't divorce him if you want, ask for an annulment, or.... stay married just don't live with him. It used to be quite common.<br />
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Don't stay because you feel like you don't have options. SugarBear is right, you do.

Sweetheart, is your daughter your husbands? I don't want to sound mean by asking that.<br />
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Your husband is a dirt bag and needs to have a knot jerked in his tail. I would look at divorcing him and I will tell you why you would be safe to do it.<br />
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Your husband is a soldier in the United States Army. The Army holds their personnel to high standards and adultery falls under some of the more severe regulations. Your child would continue to receive 100% medical while your husband is on active duty regardless if you divorce. Your child would also receive a military ID. The military I think would even pay to send you back to your place of record sense they moved you to Georgia. The courts would decide a dollar amount for spousal support which would probably be somewhere around 1/2 his pay and he would also be held accountable for child support above and beyond the spousal support amount. Basically you would probably get 2/3 rds of his pay check to live on. A lawyer near your post would be able to help you out and I guarantee he will know the regulations inside and out.<br />
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The military is serious about soldiers and dependants cheating. A lot of the public think that military personnel cheat on a regular basis. Over my 20 years in the military it was almost the complete opposite. The dependants (Soldier Spouse) were the ones doing the most cheating. I've even seen wives try I say again try to divorce their husbands and take the children and house while the soldier is stationed overseas. However the United States has a law prohibiting something like that called the "Soldiers, Sailors Act". It doesn't allow the wife/husband to divorce the military personnel until they get back to the states so they can defend themselves. I know this doesn't have any thing to do with you; I thought it was interesting to know.<br />
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Now the Catholics do haves some unique understanding on the Bible. They will grant annulments to you instead of divorces sometimes regardless how long you've been married. They fail to take into account in Matthew when Jesus talks about the only thing a person can get a divorce for is sexual unfaithfulness actually in Greek its called Pornia (Not sure on spelling). When you look it up it means all sexual sins from adultery to sexual refusal. See back in Jesus' time men would divorce the wives over something silly like burning the toast in the morning. So Jesus explained it to the people. You have to understand in the Catholic church the Pope makes the rules and look at him he’s not even allowed to be married, lol.<br />
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I would let my parents know what your dirt bag husband did. A true father would understand.<br />
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You Do Have Options

Yeah its just not as simple as filing for divorce...I am a stay at home mom he wont allow me to have a job.. my daughter has epilepsy so its hard to find a daycare that will accept her and I just moved from washington to Georgia for him. I have no where to go or anything if I leave him. My family is very very catholic divorce is an abomination so I would not be welcome there...pretty much have to stay.

omg i so feel for you.... you deserve better, much , much better

Your marriage is over. File for divorce.

and yes he is probably the most selfish person you will ever know in your whole life. he only cares about himself...

Yes he was having an affair that lasted about 5 months while he was in korea. He was deployed but not to a combat zone so it cant be any type of PTSD for sure. He says he just simply doesnt want to have anythign to do with me anymore..we weren't fiighting or anything. We went to bed and I like moved closer to him to cuddle with him and he says no...and that he doesnt want to be doing anything physical with me ever nothing...i dont get it.

Why did he say that? Does he have a reason for that maybe medical reason etc? Coz if there is nothing reasonable for him to say that then he is so selfish

There is a lot we don't know here. Why so suddenly a withdrawal from you? How long have you two have been married? How much do you know of his past?<br />
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This extreme and sudden reaction could be caused by countless things that we are not cognizant of. Under these conditions we are powerless to suggest a solution. <br />
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All I can do is hope that this is momentary reflex action to some perceived hurt on his part and it may pass without any further disruption ion your lives.

Reading this and a couple of other things you're posted on EP, I think your husband is acting like a spoiled brat and is trying to punish you for wanting to be respected. You mentioned that he had been deployed, so it is possible that he is having some kind of post-traumatic stress syndrome. Or, he may simply be somebody who looks like a man but is really just a spoiled adolescent. Either way, you two need to be in counseling with someone who can guide you to being able to talk about your problems and either find a resolution that helps you to renew your love and partnership or that will enable you to separate with as little pain and distress as possible. If he can't be man enough to be a decent and loving and respectful husband and life partner to you, at least he should try to be man enough to care about his daughter to be willing to go into counseling out of paternal love and caring for her.<br />
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Hugs and best wishes.

Just like that? Did something happen? Is he having an affair? Are you suspicious? There is more to this.

Why doesn't he ever want to do that again?