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Seems to Me Like the Less I Get It the More I Think About It

I just cant think of anything else. When I see other couples i get a lil bit jelous thinking that they probably have more s e x and wish my marriage was like but then i remind myself that you dont know what goes on behind closed doors?? It doesnt stop me from thinking about it though

 

Its like the less I get it then the more I think about it more and its driving me nuts, has anyones else been in this position before?

misslove misslove 26-30 5 Responses Jan 7, 2009

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I too lived in a sexless marriage for many years. I did not like to watch movies that showed couples preparing to have intimate moments. Watching them actually have sex was unbearable! It "helped" that I was depressed, on antidepressants that can affect the sex drive, and getting older, so my sex drive was less than when I was in my 20's, so I wasn't present to my needs constantly. It was more of a vague, unfullfilled sadness lurking just beneath the surface. I stayed in this marriage until there were other reasons to leave. (NONE of my needs were being met.) This was my second marriage.<br />
Please, COMMUNICATE to your partner. Please find a compassionate counsellor and communicate to them and to your spouse in the counsellor's presence. Enough communication can solve anything. I KNOW it is a huge, emotionally charged problem. Yes, talking about it will make waves and create more problems. But if any improvement is possible (and it IS) isn't it worth it? Also, try to find as many pleasureable things to do together as possible, if they can involve touch that's even better. In my first marriage I avoided him because he was such an inept lover and sex was painful and unpleasant. He was a virgin and I was almost a virgin. We could not communicate on the subject (or many others) so I started avoiding sex most of the time unless I was very horny. I got to where I felt like I was living with my brother. I had affairs because I was young and my body needed sex and I could only live without it for so long, like a couple of years. I thought that would help preserve my marriage because he met other needs. It did for a while. However, it made me realize how bad sex was between us and it got to the point that when I looked at him I lost all desire no matter how horny I was. When we divorced (after 11 years) he told me he *********** every day at least once a day. All those years we hid our needs from each other rather than communicate because it was "too difficult"! Today I am in a good relationship (with phenomenal sex) but part of me wishes I was still with my first husband. He was a great husband in many ways. He loved me so much! It broke his heart when I left. But I felt like I was dying staying with him. I needed to feel like a woman, not like his sister. What I want to get across to you is that there IS hope, there IS a solution other than closing off that part of you. The solution does not have to be a divorce, but that is a risk. One other thing I want to tell you: most of us are fumbling around in the bedroom. Sex - needs, desire, arousal, ****** (for women) - these are complex issues. It's more straightforward for most men or so I'm told, but it's a lot more complicated for women. We often don't know what feels good to us and we don't want to complain about what doesn't feel good. So we remain silent and avoid your touch. I am 52 years old and have had around 23 (or more) lovers in my life. I thought some of them were pretty good till I met my current lover. Now I think they were clueless about my pleasure. Part of the reason he is such a good lover is he had over 1000 lovers in his lifetime, starting as a young teenager with older women teaching him how to pleasure them. So, the message is : guys, you still have a lot to learn about giving pleasure and giving pleasure is the key to you receiving it.

Misslove it is an unfortunate truth in dwindling sexual relationships. It has been 26 months since the last time my wife and were intimate and i can tell you the thoughts that run through my head are electrifying sometimes lol. People have said before to exercise more as the thoughts increase...lol I don't have that much time in a day lol.<br />
And CPA guy, that was amazing. I hope you aren't charging for the copywrite because I can see a lot of people using it. Did it work for you? Anyway great letter.

There are so many ways I can answer this. Most of them involve saying innapropriate things or providing way more information than anyone wants to read.<br />
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but yes, the less I get the more I want. And thoughts of sex seem to just fill my mind. I feel like a dirty old pervert that can't keep her mind out of the gutter some days!

Same here. It is something that is given to us by nature so why fight or hide it!

You are not alone , I can assure you. Sex is always in my thoughts and I do find myself viewing strangers on the street and in stores and wondering when they last had sex and if it was to their liking. <br />
I often long for the intimacy and the warmth that good sex can provide.