Sex Feels Like Rape With My Husband...

I have only been married for two years and well.... we did not have sex before marriage because we wanted things to be right. however, we did fool around and the passion was great... but after marriage it went downhill. its not my husband either- its me. i cannot have sex with him. i feel like i am being raped and during sex i just hold the tears back. three months ago when i last had sex, i couldn't hold it in and i just burst into tears after he came. i told him i was crying because i was so happy we were having sex but that was a BIG lie. i don't want to hurt my husband. i love him as a human being and don't want to break his heart but i don't feel what he feels. i don't even understand how he feels it because all we do is argue. we are so different on even the most basic issues that it hurts. he says very mean things to me also, and then other times he can be eerily sweet- but that is neither here nor there- my marriage is dead and i don't know what to do. i am a full-time psychology student (love the irony in that!) and well i am just stuck- pretending. i am so afraid of hurting him- i have tried to talk with him a little but he just acts like he don't hear me- HELP

peanuts peanuts
22-25, F
7 Responses Jul 27, 2007

You need to talk to you mother or another woman... You need to leave.

The longer you let this go, the worse it's going to hurt both of you. Whatever traumas caused you to feel this way, you have NOT gotten over them! They are poisoning your perspective and you need to address aggressively as soon as you can, or you will pay a terrible price.


There is a reason you feel that sex and love aren't related, and you must try to find it and fix it quickly.


On the other hand, you have a lot of differences. You could divorce as well, separate maybe, get some space and work on things as time permits, observe some healthy relationships and set yourselves free.


Regardless, if you want anything to improve at this point then things can't stay as they are.

Personally, I feel people should try first. If you do that then you'll have far fewer regrets either way it goes, but rest assured it will require a lot of effort and it will sometimes hurt - a lot.

I hate this too, I just cried after sex and its been 6 years. I'm not into him n I feel raped. Emptiness fills my heart n the irony is I hope to get pregnant n things get better. I feel better,to know,I'm not alone on this feeling.

Question: did the sex *always* feel like rape, or has it only become that way since your relationship started to fail? That may point to the whether or not the main source of the problem is the sex, or the relationship failure. Either way, I think you need to seek professional help to get clarity on the matter. You will need the support, and your own studies will not provide the same therapeutic benefits as more experienced counsel. Don't delay either, the sooner you act, the sooner things will be improved, as you well know :)

For something to affect you so dramatically, it shouldn't be hard to identify. I wish you courage on your journey.

You have to talk with him, he needs to listen. Sorry you are having these troubles so soon in your marriage....

I'm sorry you've entered our little group. Have you tried seeking professional help? It's not normal to feel like you are being raped while having sex with your partner. I understand wanting to wait til getting married to have sex BUT it leaves you ill prepared for sexual intimacy once you do enter in marriage. You could leave your marriage but something tells me you are going to have the same issue in your next relationship and unless you do something about it. Sex isn't something you should dred it should be something you should look forward too with your husband. Moreover, have you considered that your husband's bad mood is linked do to the lack of sexual intimacy in your relationship? I'm not saying it's all your fault but what I am saying is that he's probable not trying to be mean to you either. Just probable just incredible frustrated and depressed like some of us here are.