It has been a while since I have written. I have been living in a sexless marriage for several years now. We have been together for 5 years. The first 2 we had sex, but I was always the one who initiated it. He is in the military and went away for several months a long time ago. When he came back, he started a new and very stressful job and started ignoring all aspects of our marriage including our sex life. He stopped really hugging me or kissing me. Just a peck and an I love you. He has always been there for me when I really need him, but has stopped being my husband. It has been almost two years since we had sex. He has given me so many excuses - stress being the number one reason. The I insisted that we went to a counselor or that I would leave. He went long enough to appease me, but then stopped. I have tried counseling. I have tried being romantic again with him and have gotten no where. Every time I tell him that I am going to leave, he begs me to stay and says it will be different - that he will try. I don't believe him.
I should have left him a year ago when I was feeling stronger. The last year of our maritial problems have taken an awful toll on me. I used to be in very very good physical shape. I used to go to the gym six days a week. I used to really take care of myself. I used to be outgoing and love to meet new people. I used to be confident. Now, I am like a shell of my former self. I gained so much weight that I can no longer fit into my clothes. I am starting a new career (I just passed the bar exam) and I feel self-conscious meeting new people. In short, I just don't feel good enough.
So, how am I supposed to leave now when I don't feel strong enough? I have never never in my life felt this week. I have always been independent and self-sufficient. Now I just feel unattractive, depressed, and worthless.