To the Love of My Life

  • Oh my darling, the love of my life.

    If you were the man I thought you were, then I wouldnt have to write this letter and pretend to my self that you will be reading it, grasping at one last chance to tell you now how you have ******** me of my dignity through all your empty words that I have hung on to only to relise after eleven years I am never going to get your love because you dont know the meaning of the word.   When I first set my eyes on you, you blew me away, your charm was beyond belief, your saucey banter had me hooked, only years later to find that my lonely sad excistence with you is forever more, and nothing in this world is ever going to change that unless I tell you, we are not one no more, because I am walking away from your empty world while my heart is still in tact.

    Dont worry my darling, am not going to cut you down, I have been through that years ago in the days when you made me feel worthless, the days when I would try so hard for you to tell me how gorgous I was, convinced that every effort I was to make for you would give you the desire that you lack for me but nothing worked. 

    I have got this far with you and stood this lonely pit because I love you, because I believed every empty word that  you used when you covered your tracks when ever I wanted your love, you would hold me in your arms and make me believe it was the safest place on earth, that feeling atually repalced the cold dark lonely world that I have been living in up untill today, I have become so used to having my feelings and urges denied by you that I forgot it wasnt normal and I was becoming like you,NUMB,  I am not going to write and reveal my abnormal pain to you because you wont understand, how can you when you lack every loving emotion in your body, you wouldnt even know where I was coming from, but thats not important to me , as long as I know where I am coming from, thats good enough for me.

    I was wondering my love, could you please answer some questions that have been burning inside me for years, I have in the passed many a time tried to talk but you always found a way of making me feel like I was causing trouble as in starting a row, so I thought if I ask you this way, you will find it easy to understand my questions as they are really straight forward.

  • You have no sexual desire for me, yet you have so many **** films in your front room.
  • You never paid me compliments yet I herd you not so lohg ago telling a women that you were mezmorised by her.
  • I knew when I met you that you were known as a great muffer, I cant remember the last time you did that to me so I wont comeny.
  • Why did you sleep over at other womens homes without telling me, you did that so many times that I couldnt be botherd to bash their heads in any more, you always swore that it was purly the drink that inticed you to their home, I believed you
  • Why did you have a phone video of two girls in the pub , having their chest taped and you asking them to take their top of, they asked you to take your shirt of and you did.
  • I found a dirty pair of knickers in your house on the floor, you told me the dog must of brought them in from the garden, you said they came from the balcony up stairs, I believed you.
  • After six years together, why did you let all the crack ****** in your flat and buy their crack for them, you smoked it for five months untill they bled your bank account, I only found out by gossip.
  • On the rare ocations, very few and far in between, you would have an urge to play with me, why did you always want to play with my backside, you were never into my *****, it was mainly my bum.
  • Why for eleven years have you kept me believing in you, when all the time and still to this day you know that its never going to change.

    Iam going to stop with my questions now because it just goes on and on,I am walking away from your empty love because I think you have ******** me of my dignity enough, I have nothing left to offer you now apart from my empty broken heart, and that would be a sin to me if I treated you that way,  all the women that you have put your tonge to proberbly think your the worlds greatest lover, but lets be honest here, licking their bumhole then pretending to fall asleep so you didnt have to **** them, of corse they would think this of you.

    You are lying in my bed now after a lovely hot bath that I made for you, I have played your favourite music, and you have eaten your nightly feast, the candels are burning softly and you I think are asleep, I am in the room next door, writing this letter to you, unaware as you always are I saying good bye to you, I know in my empty heart that you know I am a good ,honest, loving, kind person, but I got over you my darling a good few years ago, I will carry no guilt or shame when I walk away, but most of all I will never be blamed as part of the break up , because it all belongs to you.

    One last thing that I want to ask you, I asked you once if you were a secret gay man, because you couldnt make any kind of love to me, not even a french kiss passed your lips but once, you played with my bottom if you ever fancied a feel, and thats why I asked if you was gaty.  You went mad and told me I was ******* crazy, by the time I tried to ever sort something out you had walked away from me, and now am walking from you.  

    I have no reason to ever ignore you should our paths cross which they will, without your loveless self, I would never of relized what a warm and loving person I am, I would like to say to you that with all my heart good luck, but for any poor women that falls for your pretence, then she has all my sympathy, but I dont think you will ever find another one like me, and I do hope that everyday of your life, you will hurt when you think of what you have lost and know that I am never going back. 

  • rosygal rosygal
    46-50, F
    2 Responses Aug 4, 2007

    Sad story, but what I've learned is that nobody can 'make you feel' things. We teach people how to treat us, and how we respond is on us. I hope you do some research on why you have stayed in this relationship, so you can get healthy and make better choices in the future. I'm doing the same. Take care, I wish you the best.

    i hope everything went well after you walked out that door