My Wife’s Bizarre Proposition


I have no idea what is going on.  

 As mentioned in my previous story, we have been going to sex-therapy for the last 6 months to help teat my wife’s anxiety +++ around sex and work with intimacy issues.  

Where we are up to in the therapy is weekly massage inc touching breasts and genitals. (hers not mine L), it and taken 6 months to reach this point.  

Now, last night she felt just like a back massage because she was tired. During this she says she is feeling frustrated and bored with were we are up to.  

So I am thinking “O.K, she is saying that she has had enough and doesn’t want to keep at the sex-therapy.”  

But then she says “On Saturday I think we should forget about the massage and such and just have sex.”  

I’m just about falling out of the bed at this point and all I can manage is “Oh?)  

And she goes on to say. “ But I want it to be different, I want to get my self in the mood by getting on some sexy underwear, hop in bed with a glass of wine and read some-thing sexy, then I want to put a  blind-fold on and you to come in the room, toss me on my back and do it doggy style passionately.” 

  My mind is spinning at this point. We haven’t had sex for almost 18 moths because the last few times we tried she was hyperventilating and having panic attacks, now she wants me to do this?  

I’m concerned that she has thought up this little fantasy, but when push-comes-to-shove she may flip out and it will undo all the hard work we’ve put in over the last 6 months.  

I don’t know if I can perform in such a liberal and forceful way giving that we haven’t even tried to have intercourse in 18 months.  

ANd in a way it's not like she's saying that she want's to have sex with me, it's like she is saying that she just wan't to be f*cked. This is from a woman who claims to have no libido at all.  

It is all just too bizarre.

warwick warwick
36-40, M
16 Responses Feb 2, 2009

@macca74, wow, what a wordsmith.<br />
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@warwick - I would love to know what happened. In particular how you "toss her on her back and do it doggy style passionately" ?? My mind, admittedly a filthy mind, can't quite grasp how this bit of gymnastics could actually be performed.<br />
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Tread your own path.

This has been and remains so simple . Give the lady what she wishes. Accept it for what it is and move on.<br />
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I can't believe this has continued on as long as it has. Now you see why I think therapy is bogus. It purposedly clouds the issue and makes everyone overly anaylize everything

Please tell us how it turns out!! What a story, a sexless person turning back to sex. I did not think it was possible. WOW

Here's my two cents worth....................<br />
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Sounds like she fantisizes about those particular things, but much like rape fantasies, the real deal may be more than she can handle. Remember, in fantasies we are in COMPLETE control. And control is often the main issue with people who are anxious about any situation, including sex.<br />
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It could be that she does want to live out this fantasy. And she may have been going over it in her mind to the point where she feels she can handle it. But, she probably can't. Why not start with something similar, but less complicated? The key is to give her COMPLETE control over the situation. She says go and you go, she says back off and you back off.<br />
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It's too bad she doesn't want to blindfold you. That would probably be safer for her.

It sounds to me that she wants it like she wants it...don't ask questions and don't read into it...<br />
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You men always tell us women this all the time...don't read into it! Well now I am saying it back to you! I hope you don't mind! :-)<br />
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Maybe she wants to envision you are George Clooney with her blindfold's ok...she stills loves "you"...just wants a little "George" for the nite :-) hehehe!!! <br />
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Just go with it warwick !!! Good luck and have fun!!!! :-)

For Gott Sakes go for it ,stop alle the questions<br />
she may have gotten a hormone rush

it her way....But have a safe word that she could use....In case it is too much for her....And then back off a little....back to the touching...kissing...nibbling...licking....<br />
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Oh god...I have to stop...Starting to turn my self on here......Got to go....Andone know of a male massage place that deliveres......hehehehehe

Oh, and I would totally blow off the sex expert this time... but that’s just me, I think I know everything :-) lol

I did not read the other comments, just wanted to say: Hooray! your dry spell might be over :-) But for crying out loud, stop splitting the hair so much and enjoy the moment, start anticipating and I bet you both will have a great time. GL!

Have you shared this with your therapist? Maybe its actually okey as long as you have some guide lines to follow? What I mean is, as you start the fantasy use safety words as it progress's. All this seduction is in the head and reality is quite different. With such a long break it would be easy for it to be uncomfortable etc. Just a thought your therapist is the expert. I really hope things go well for you. I just wish my partner was prepared to put the work in as you have. Good luck.

I’d love to be as optimistic as you guys mostly seem to be.<br />
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I guess on of my concerns is that when I look back to the beginning of our relationship, my partner used having kinky sex as a way of detaching herself from the present along with alcohol e.t.c.<br />
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All part of avoiding intimacy and dealing with her difficulties with this. And I’m worried that this really is more a step backwards than a step forward.<br />
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As for reading “My Secret Garden”. Yes she has read it recently, good call.<br />
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I guess to I don’t know if I tell her that I ma not interested then it is a bit of a stale-mate.<br />
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I perhaps need to find some sort of compromise.<br />
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Who would have thought that after 1 ½ years with no sex I could contemplate turning it down! lol

My faith has been restored with " Strangelin's " comment.<br><br />
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Sounds like the sex therapist would benefit by knowing your wife's sexual fantasy plan while being ******. <br><br />
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Maybe she recently read Nancy Friday's "My Secret Garden" to come up with such a raw sexual fantasy? Also, after 18 months.... which is very long not to have been ******, why would she start backwards and not face you? I'm thinking ... can she physically be entered comfortably" I agree that she seems to want to be as<br><br />
"psychologically distanced from the process as she can get." -- and by not facing you she is probably setting herself back only God knows how far.<br><br />
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More importantly, although you want to have this happen, is this the way "you envisioned it after 18 months?" <br><br />
You just hit the nail on the head: <br><br />
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It is all just too bizarre

I'm in the other camp. I would totally be suspicious of this. One of the things that I've learned is that people's ability to predict what will make them happy is usually pretty sucky.<br />
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I'd take this as a suggestion that she'd like to accelerate your progress. Her boredom with the current status is actually a good sign. It means that she's now not getting distressed by physical contact any more, and is ready for more. I suspect that your sex therapist would agree with me that going whole-hog (or, for that matter hog-tied) is probably going to result in a relapse for her.<br />
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Another issue that I see is that she suggests that she wants to be as psychologically distanced from the process as she can get. This might be fun on an immediate basis, but as a long-term process is not a solution.

Sounds like things are looking up for you warwick... I don't wanna jinx anything but lets just hope that she doesn't get you all worked up and then fades away come Saturday. We are all very well familiar with all the excuses. <br />
Maybe sex therapy is begining to work for you 2 after all?!?!...<br />
Good Luck man!

Fun55 said it all. She has been probably been wanting this for months and just couldn't get herself to come out with it. Lucky you !You may be on your way off this segment of the forum.

Cross your fingers and let hoppy ride !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
I hope every thing works out ok 4 U 2 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!