What Happend?

"I live in a sexless marriage" is not exactly true. My wife and I still have sex...there is just no more love and passion. When does a mother of 2 great kids turn it back on again? I have tried asking about this. I just get that "I dont want to tak now" or" Its just me" Despretly wanting to please her is selfish right? I know that there is no affair here. But I cant help be scared.

carpenterchris carpenterchris
41-45, M
5 Responses Feb 9, 2009

Lost4life, I know you are well meaning and trying to help, but comments like "she's bound to come round" simply display your youth and lack of understanding for the problem.<br />
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In fact, very few "refusers" (those who don't want sex with their partners) DO "come around".<br />
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This might be true if someone is just feeling a bit "off sex" for a few weeks, but iit certainly is NOT true for long term refusers.<br />
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Carpenterchris' wife shows no passion or love for her husband so it seems she is having sex only as a duty. While your comments about him showing her HIS passion for her are good ones, it is possibly going to b a much harder problem to solve than you might think.

Oh Jan Carol, that is SO sad! I really feel for you and I have to say, I think it could spell disaster for your marriage. Please take some time to read the posts on this forum and you will get a feeling for the depths of despair that are experienced by those of us living with a "refuser" partner.<br />
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You may be surprised to find that a large number of us are women living with "refuser" husbands.<br />
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I would like to gently suggest that you seek some counselling or therapy to get to the bottom of your dislike of sex. If you love your husband and want to maintain your marriage, I think this would be a helpful thing to do.<br />
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Every best wish for a happy resolution.

After having kids, your body isn't as sexy as you would hope, especially when you have more then one. You become more aware of scars and unwanted fat. All you need to do it remind her how sexy and beautiful she is to you. Show her your passion! Do little things like grap her and kiss her. Make her feel as sexy and comfortable with her body. Even if you just huge her at nite and rub her skin, she is bound to feel some sort of affection. Give her time, she's bound to come around.

OMG. I live in a sexless marriage and I'm the perpetrator. Hubby would be happy to have sex anytime and I'm just disgusted with it. I've come to think of my body as trouble and for waste removal, and not pleasure.<br />
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I am menopausal, had all my plumbing removed, but I was like this before. I used to couldn't get enough, and it's like I used it all up or something.<br />
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I am on antidepressants, but they haven't "shut off" my capacity. And it's not that I don't love hubby - I do - I really care about him, but the thought of sex with him - OR ANYBODY - just disgusts me. I don't even like sucky-face kissing anymore. Blech!<br />
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I don't like the smell, the feel, the faces, none of it. Am I a freak?<br />
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JC

Ignore palm29grl. I've seen some of her other posts, and she's just a toad.<br />
Frankly, sexual passion isn't as important for some people as others. <br />
You need to find a way to talk to her, maybe gently, maybe in a place where you have a mediator. Because you need to know what's going on in her head.<br />
Cm