Anyone Here Have a Third Or Fourth Join You?

After reading a post from Zorbas I was wondering if anyony has succesfully created a polyamorous relationship when a spouse is unable to have sex?

It seems the most rewarding and best outcome for any of us in a sexless marraige is to actually have a 3rd or 4th person join the relationship.  I wonder what that would take, how it could possibly happen and if anyone has attempted to make it their goal?

There are indeed many advantages to a polyamorous relationship.  Especially if you are sharing fininancial responsibilities, chores, keeping the mood in the house in balance, and most of all the synergy of emotional support.  

I am very, very straight.  That said, I had two male roomates for 5 years in college.  We were as close as brothers and helped each other thru the worst and best of a very demanding engineering curriculum.  I could see myself in this type of relationship again, but only with two women, and for almost the same reasons.  

I am sure many people have experienced a multi partner living arrangement, but what about polyamory?  

sexlessincolorado sexlessincolorado
46-50, M
7 Responses Feb 9, 2009

I agree, if I were your wife, I would not want to know. It would just be too much turmoil on top of dealing with everything she has to deal with. In a way, it would be the kindest thing you could do, instead of trying to get her to accept the presence of another woman in the house taking her place in your bed. That would be super hard to accept...... given it is not her choice to be sexless. She is lucky to have you. At least let her keep that illusion. If you choose to do that, be very very careful or it could end up with someone getting hurt.... and that someone might be you.

I think you will be surprised-at the responses you receive! If the other woman is also in a relationship where intimacy is void--it might work for you.

I can not say how much I appreciate the feedback from ANEWME and Michelle.<br />
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You ladies are completely right. I think this is the best course for me. I will truly continue to love, cherish, make feel safe, and and stay with her - while being open to accepting intimacy from some one else.<br />
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I now wonder how many women are open to being the "other woman" I think I will post this as a question.

I must agree with Michelle--I wish you the best.

Hi Michelle,<br />
Thanks for your kind words. I would never have imagined a woman saying what you just said to me. You gave me a little lift today.<br />
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It's funny that I am here on this site and a little ironic. I am in the process of editing a large wedding album and I can only wonder how these two people will end up. I see a lot of happiness and high exptectations as a photographer. Maybe this is why I have decide not to shoot weddings any more. The realities of a relationship are completely cloaked during a wedding.<br />
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Anyway, Michelle, thanks for your kind words.

Thanks, I corrected it.<br />
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I have in fact chatted with people in these types of relationships, but it seems they are a result of bi women becoming comfortable and/or falling in love with the group.<br />
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I fear this is a type of relationship one does not just set out to create. It must happen organically. Which, if left to chance alone, has little chance of becoming reality for the right people, at the right time, and in the right place.

The word you're looking for is polyamorous. It means to have a romantic relationship with more than one person without being married to all of them.