Long Wait

I have been married for 10 years, and with her for a total of 12 years.  My wife has had a string of health issues, some of them real, some of them not.  She has been using her health as an excuse to not be intimate, and for so many different things, it literally is comical.   I caught her having an affair about 6 years ago, and I can honestly say we have had sex no more than 3 times since.    I know that I am not perfect, but, what can I do to fix this, it seems all she wants to do is sit and smoke up all day ( she is a very regular marijuana user)  I have tried talking, pleading, and I just do not know what to do anymore, I cant trust her, and I cant even bring myself to love her anymore.

lonelydt lonelydt
36-40
8 Responses Feb 10, 2009

i can totally relate.. my husband and i just seperated.. i too live in a sexless marriage... he too is a heavy heavy pot smoker.... it kills me to see no motivation at all in him... we just seperated three days ago.. he's all moved out... it's tough, i think most of all because we get out of our comfort zone... but you'll get through... and i will too.... i'm here to listen to you if you need an ear.

Zorbas, drug use is a symptom, not a cause. <br />
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DT, I hate to say it, but it really sounds like you're being taken for a ride. If it's really all as bad as you say, then you need to stop giving yourself to someone who doesn't appreciate you.

A house with a drugged out mother happily smoking pot is not a home at all. Yiu did not mention if a child is present if so , it shopuild be your big concern and should be removed from that environment.<br />
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My question which may sound and is judgemental is: What in God's name would keep you there. Understand I have an abhorance to the use of drugs in a household and a marriage. <br />
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She certainly can't change her ways in a drugged out state nor does she want to apparently. Sex isn't you only problem here. In seems a minor issue compared to the rest of things transpiring there.<br />
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Shed her now or get her treatment for her addiction. and then shed her . This marriage, from my perspective too far gone to salvage.

All of us know how difficult is the dilemma you are facing. For many reasons, we each make different decisions.<br />
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There is no such thing as an easy solution and whatever you decide takes guts, determination and a preparedness to sacrifice the dream of a happy marriage.<br />
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So whatever you decide, remember you take our best wishes with you.<br />
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Keep posting here - and reading other posts - it will help you clarify your thoughts. And the support is something you can get through no other avenue in your life.

I do appreciate the harsh reality of my situation, and I suppose I am just looking to make sense of it all. I did love her, deeply, and the thought of leaving scares me. With everything I have been through, i know I am in the right, I just am afraid to take the plunge, so to speak.<br />
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Thanks for the comments thus far.

What's more important, your $$ or your sanity?<br />
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How old is her son? Your family doesn't live your life, in the house, with a wife who gets high and disrespects you.<br />
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Not to sound mean or harsh, but snap out of it. Dude, you have one life.

Lots of different reasons. I know they are almost all (if not all) cliche, but, I dont want to dissapoint anyone. I raised her child from 7 years old, so I dont want to dissapoint him, I dont want to let my family down, and most of all, I guess I am naive, but I just hope it will get better. Lastly, I suppose I do not relish the idea of paying her for the rest of my life.

It sounds like you answered your own question..why are you staying? Everyone else here has an answer, no matter how crazy..what's yours?