Overlooking Is Mental Illness I Think

All my life, I have overlooked the obvious and gotten into all sorts of heartache and trouble.  Both of my marriages, the relationships in between marriages have just been an awful chain of being used, being hurt, being taken advantage of.  I overlooked obvious traits and characteristics of the women in my life and have been repeatedly crushed by a result that everyone in the whole world saw coming, except for me of course.  I just cannot seem to acknowledge the facts right in front of me but rather see things the way I think they SHOULD be.  The same holds true for business relationships as it has my love life.

I have no one to blame but myself.  IT IS ME THAT SETS MYSELF UP by being so continually ignorant.  I am jovial, fun, funny, and straight forward and somehow just assume everyone is my friend and that they would never take advantage of me.  It is a sickness.  A mental illness of some kind.

I need someone to donate some cynicism, some distrust pills, or something.

ncdude ncdude
51-55, M
9 Responses Feb 10, 2009

Thank you. I am trying. Hey, I did get that book riverdog suggested. It helps.

You ought to check out this book; it's changed my life. Title is "No More Mr. Nice Guy". Author is Dr. Robert Glover. Look it up on Amazon.

Thank you. I could use some of that energy and will power that has been sucked out of me.

You can believe in the best in people and still be aware that you aren't always going to get it. It's like sitting on the edge of the pool and sticking your feet in to test the water instead of diving in head first. Usually the water is ok..but there's no sense being crazy about it.

Hey, overlooker. The only reason I avoided this is because I saw it in too many people I knew when I was younger. I always want to believe the best in people, and I always gave them the benefit of the doubt until it was far too late. It's not any more of a mental illness than the continued belief that the same group of politicians that screwed up the economy can be trusted to fix it. You might call this insanity, but you can't call it abnormal psychology.<br />
<br />
I suggest you look into something called "cognitive dissonance". This is a natural human mechanism that prevents us from figuring out that we are wrong. Most of the time it's pretty effective at keeping out bad information, but in some cases it keeps out the good information, too. I hope it helps.

Thank you. I will ponder this. You should be a counselor.

It is not a mental illnes you have but just a longing for being appreciated, liked or loved as the case may be. <br />
<br />
I was that way for most of my younger days. I almost thought of myself as a performing clown .I was always seeking approval. It did get attention, people were amused , wanted me around and through it all I thought they all liked me. <br />
<br />
In reality they were merely amused by me and enjoyed what I could do to make them happy for the moment. Little thought was given by me to my own sense of worth..<br />
<br />
It wasn't until I began to realize that no matter what we do to please others, they may not, and for their own reasons, like nor love you. Some because of jealousy or envy and others because they think of you as bizzare or any number of inconsequential things.<br />
<br />
It took some years to suddenly realize that I had value and I didn't need others with their feigned admiration to give me my strength of character. It always had lain within me.<br />
<br />
Since that time, I have used my personality quite successfully in sales. Now when I when I wish to have them like me it is only knowing that it is a game and I am doing it with a purpose.<br />
<br />
I am assuming that you have tried too hard at striving for love and affection. You are on a crusade that will fail because you seem to lack a love of self. <br />
<br />
You can't find that love of self in others it has to come from within. Believe in yourself and you can withstand anything life will hit you with.<br />
<br />
In nature they say an animal can smell fear in a man . Well I believe that people can sense weakness in other people and use them for their own ends. Reach down iside build confidence and don't be used.<br />
<br />
I wish you well.

Thank you. I even overlooked this: when I was a kid my Dad told me I was gullible, my best buddy in college told me I was gullible, I have been called naive many times, and yet I continue to be that way. I guess I will just have to accept that I am.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} for Overlooker. Such candid honesty is wonderful. My heart bleeds for you.<br />
<br />
I remember a friend once saying to me (I was 35 at the time - now 57!_) "I can't believe you have got to your age and are still so naive about people"!! <br />
<br />
So, dear EPer, you are not alone!