We Are Roomates

Hi  I'm new to this group.  Here's my story:

I'm 38 years old and I have not had sex with my husband in 9 years, although I do get the most amazing foot rubs.

When we were dating and newly married, we had sex constantly.  We simply could not keep our hands off of each other.  There was that amazing animal desire between us.  I just felt so alive!  It was electric being connected to him. 

But, that withered away and I'm not sure how to get it back when it's been gone for so long.

I think that there are many reasons why we're not having sex.  We both are exhausted.  We have a special needs (autistic) son who demands a lot of our attention and our focus has been on his needs for 8 years.  I just started a new job and I put a lot of time into it.  My husband's job is physically demanding.  We are struggling financially, which puts a damper on things.  We both have gained some weight.  Our small apartment is cluttered. 

So, these are the reasons/ excuses. 

But, wouldn't it be fun to just forget about all the daily stress and have sex?

I feel resentful.  I am a mother, a worker, a friend...

I miss being a woman

...being desired...being undressed by someone's eyes 

...being flirted with...being caressed...being paid attention to

I think that he misses it, too. 

I feel bad because we just let so many things get in the way when we should be enjoying each other.









Josey Josey
36-40, F
4 Responses Aug 8, 2007

Why do we allow this to happen to ourselves?I think we were happier as cavemen.Where are we evolving to,test tube babies and a sterile life?

Josey, I can completely relate. Its been 6 sexless years for my wife and I and we have none of the "reason/excuses" you mentioned. That being said, she referred to me as her "roommate" and I absolutely hated that description. It was my wake up call. I only hope I'm not too late.

Don't be passive and let another week or month pass by: say something! Help him help you!!

I wish you well.

Me too... Years and years and years of virtually no sex... maybe four or five times in the last ten years, and only one of them was memorable... We, too, have an autistic child, and I, too, miss him so very much... I have no counsel to offer. Only comiseration...

Josey, do this for your family as well as yourself. It sounds like you and your husband are both willing to try. Yes, it would be fun to just ditch all your stress -- if only for a little while -- and enjoy each other. You just have to commit yourself to do it. You've committed to each other for a lifetime, and committed to taking care of your son's needs. After all that, is committing an hour or two for your own pleasure such a great challenge? Take that first step. Take care of your family by taking care of each other, and that includes sexual intimacy. There is hope that you two will find your way out of this. Best of luck to you.