BFF

I just stumbled upon this website, and I'm truly fascinated by it. I found it by actually doing a Google search on "I have no idea what to do with my life" (LOL) in a moment of desperation and uncertainty regarding my general life goals. Then I found this group and decided to write my first post here since this issue is my pink elephant in the room and it can be a good starting point.

I met my boyfriend around 8 years ago. We became really close friends and I didn't really see him "that way". Four years ago,we started spending more and more time together and our friendship blossomed into love. We had frequent sex (like 4 times a week or more) for the first three months of our relationship. After that, it became less and less frequent, and now we are up to the point where we are having sex around 6 times a year or less and it usually happens cause we're drunk. We are both young (I'm 25 and he's 33) and I'm sure it's not a lack of libido, because we both ma$turbate frequently. We are just not getting off with each other.

I'm at a crossroad because we do get along very well, and we are affectionate with each other. He's my best friend and a great man, but the lack of sex makes me feel like maybe all we are is good friends and I'm tired of feeling like I live with a roommate instead of a husband.

The bottom line is, I don't want to lose my best friend but I hate the idea of lifelong celibacy!

Oh, and the funny part is that I work for a chain of adult stores so I do have access to anything and everything that should help "spice" things up, but so far nothing has worked...

 

*****Update*****

Thanks to everyone who's given me such wonderful advice! It's a very nice feeling to see that people still worry and care about others even with this level of anonymity involved. Again, Thank you!

I've since shared my post and your comments with my partner. We have both come to the conclusion that we should give each other a chance to move on and explore other options and we've parted ways. Sometimes people need to hear (or read) the objective opinions of others not involved to finally accept what they've known for a long time.

It's a scary change and I can't help to be saddened by this, but at the same time I'm excited for what's to come!

A lot of people live in sexless marriages and are absolutely content with this. There's many ways to be intimate that don't involve intercourse and if both partners are fine with this, then there's no problem at all. But, everybody deserves to have the intimacy they they crave and no one should live out their lives deprived from this, independent of how old (or young) they are!

Change IS a very scary thing, but try to look beyond it and catch a glimpse of what your life could be... I can already see many pleasant surprises ahead!

Many blessings to everyone and thanks again for all your help! I hope that by sharing my experience, someone can benefit from this... I know I did! 

m1ndfuk m1ndfuk
26-30, F
12 Responses Feb 12, 2009

Well done!! It is very encouraging to people like me to see someone do something in a positive way as you have done. You are a good role model for me - and others.<br />
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May your life bring you everything you wish for yourself and may you be very happy.

I would cut & paste what Lexi, MarriedYet and Reflections said....

I have an idea.<br />
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when you are home tonight or all do tomorrow - and he is home as well - Take off all your close. Spend all your time naked. If he asks you what your doing tell him you want be "free" This of course has many meanings. If he says "what do you mean?" I would say what do you think?<br />
Keep your close off. Keep off for a long time. Even after sex it it happens. Stay naked for a while.<br />
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See what happens and report back.

So... who is the one that would rather ********** alone than have sex with the other? Help me understand.<br />
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There are places where you two could go that say they help couple reconnect. But I guess you'd both have to want that. And if you both want that, then why not just say so and connect again?<br />
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Also... the others have given you a lot of good advice.<br />
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I am sorry your not getting the sex you want... but you do have some advantages...

A lot of good comments are here for you already<br />
How fortunate you are to have "stumbled upon EP" <br />
Wish I was born after technology instead of before it!<br />
<br />
Please stay as young and full of life as you should be.<br />
Don't let any other person's sexual thermometer determine the outcome of your sexual life. <br />
Don't forget you heard it here!!!

A lot of good comments are here for you already<br />
How fortunate you are to have "stumbled upon EP" <br />
Wish I was born after technology instead of before it!<br />
<br />
Please stay as young and full of life as you should be.<br />
Don't let any other person's sexual thermometer determine the outcome of your sexual life. <br />
Don't forget you heard it here!!!

Sorry you are disappointed by your current love life. You also have two great advantages that, if I were you, I would use to pursue a happier road: 1.you are not married and 2. you don't have kids. I would move on romantically but keep the friendship if that was important to me. I doubt he will change as far as sex habits. I might be wrong too. Just my opinion. Good Luck.<br />
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What is your gut telling you to do?

...maybe he is just your best friend. Sometimes we want people to be more and they want us to be more and it works for awhile because we want it so much, but in the end..sometimes we are what we were meant to be. <br />
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You're both fairly young and not so far into this that you can't remain the best friends you started out as if you start talking now, but the longer you wait--the harder it will get and the worse the ending will be. Start talking, maybe you won't have to have an ending.

Why would you lose a best friend? You two will always be friends.<br />
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But maybe it's time to part, while still young and before you get preggers, because the next step is usually the baby plaster, but it won't fix it.<br />
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Then you will still have a great friend plus you could meet a new sexy man. Sexy from the get go.

take it is a positive sign that he masturbates, even if he is not having sex with you. the major problem that i think many of us are dealing with is that we are connected to people who are for the most part asexual. if you both have healthy sex drives, then this problem can be resolved, imo. hopefully, you are sharing your discontent with how your sex life is going with your partner.<br />
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what is it about drinking that allows you to have sex? that might be a good place to start.

It must be very frustrating if you have tried to spice things up and you are not getting any response? I am in a similar position where the very rare times we have sex usually involves alcohol, it feels as if my wife needs to be tipsy or drunk to get in the mood, not great for our self esteem.<br />
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I'm new to this site as well, I also find it fascinating and quite emancipating to listen to other peoples experiences and advice, the realisation that I am not the only suffering in this way.<br />
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Check back as I'm sure others will provide you with some advice.

Welcome to the group.<br />
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You are young, but you are in a mature state of your relationship.<br />
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Do you guys talk about this pink elephant?