I Can't Remember the Last Time...

I stumbled across this group while googling the words "sexless marriage" one day when feeling so alone in my situation.

My husband and I have not had sex in five years.  I feel sad some times because I don't even have memories of that very last time, not realizing at the time that I was never going to have that experience again and that therefore it was a farewell to normal conjugal relations...

I can think of a lot of contributing factors to our situation, but it boils down to the fact that we have just grown apart.  Emotionally, intellectually, politically and spiritually, we have gone our separate ways.  Both of us want to give our children a stable home, so here we are, stumbling through life together the best we can.  At this point, I am a stay at home mom, so I don't even have an independent life outside of this marriage to help me feel less alone.  Even if I did have a job to enable me to leave, I would worry about our children and how custody arrangements would work out. 

I'm looking forward to reading a lot of your stories and although I am sorry all of you are also experiencing this, I am glad to have found a group to whom I can vent my frustrations!





hearttoheart hearttoheart
6 Responses Feb 12, 2009

Welcome to our world of forced celibacy.

Hello heart.<br />
I'm sure you are devouring the assorted stories here. Some of them contain strategies to deal with the situation - some offer moral support. There is a huge amount of stuff. And somewhere in it will be the spark of an idea which will lead you into a solution. Possibly, this solution will be yours alone, unique to you. Or it might be a part of kungfuchics methods together with a part of beths strategy. I firmly believe that ANY situation can be "bettered", sometimes, even solved. But "bettered" is good. Hope you have an interesting journey on your way to YOUR solution.

Have you talked about counseling to make your marriage solid once again? Have you talked about the lack of sex? Does he reject your requests for sex? Does he just refuse and leave you hurting with want? Or are you not really interested in sex with him anyway? Did the sex go away because you two grew apart? Or are you like me, still into your spouse, even as he denies you a sex life? It is understandable that the sex goes away if the connection and love between you dies... what kills a lot of us, is that our mates say they love us, they just can't/won't express it sexually.<br />
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SOrry for all the questions... but one wonders.<br />
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how bout instead of us all being in a sexless marriage...we all be a sex marriage?

Thanks for sharing your story with us. Sorry, you had to join our group.<br />
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Please hang around, post, and read our stories. You will get a tremendous amount of love and support here, but I'm afraid not many answers.<br />
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Welcome to our little group of people who are living out their lives in similiar situations. While to my knowledge none of here are professional counselors , collectively we can offer you some advice on almost every facet of married life. <br />
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We are in sexlesss marriages, some much longer than yours , and many of them have deteriorated in much the same manner as yours.<br />
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We are not privy , obviously, to what has transpired in your marriage thus far, but your statement that you has simply grown apart seems to indicate that you are aware of what has occured.<br />
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In light of that, I have found that no one the maturation process grows at the same rate. This had an enormous effect on our personal relation. I lived in the business world of travel and new scenarios and she spent her days rasing children and keeping a home.<br />
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You may be in the same state of affairs. In nay case, Welcome again and I hope you will become more content as the result