I Cant Believe It, But

I did it!

I finally found it within myself to tell her I am leaving!!!!!  What is terribly shocking is the fact that it went as well as it did.  It is really funny, it was the first time we could agree in a long time, and, the first time we got along in an even longer time.  Very confusing, being so at odds with someone, only to have all the compassion come running back as soon as you make them sad.  I am being optimistically guarded, but, I just might end up having a life one day after all!!!!

lonelydt lonelydt
36-40
14 Responses Feb 17, 2009

I'm so confused right now, I'm not sure how i will get the courage up to leave, but you're right, even though my spouse is a good person, our marriage has been a joke for a long time now. Congratulations for having the courage to finally make the right choice. I just hope if we can't get our problems worked out SOON, I can have as much courage as you. Right now it's just really hard.

Will, <br />
<br />
Yes, she is someone that I loved without question, but, so many years of problems, and lack of communication has changed the relationship (See other posts). I have no interest in putting my spouse down, it accomplishes nothing, but do not mistake what you are willing to "put up with" due to love.<br />
<br />
She is a wonderful person, I do not dispute that, but simply stay because of love and the fact that she is a good person? Sorry, I disagree, but, it takes a great deal of courage to leave someone you love, because all the while, your heart is screamong do not do it, while your brain is saying quite the opposite.<br />
<br />
Thank you all for the kind words, it has been a difficult time, and this really helps me to keep it in perspective, after all, running back, and settling into the norm is FAR easier than leaving, and starting over.

I'll share your joy , as if it's my own.May you both be blessed with all the love , affection and happyness life can bring.It was obviously time to let go for both of you.<br />
You've been there , done that , got the T-shirt and moved on!You have what it takes to purseu a life of abbundace.I believe in you.

Thank you lebowski28 -- for addressing the comment from WillPowers -- your explained the feeling of love in these relationships perfectly. We never stop loving but we stop trying to make something out of where there has grown to be nothing, anymore. Thanks for the perspective<br />
<br />
Hope Springs Eternal I was told and now I see what that means. May I add my happiness for your future growth and peace of mind.<br />
Blessings

Congratulations!<br />
<br />
You can keep being friends with her forever, but friendship alone is not enough to sustain a marriage. <br />
<br />
Sounds like you did the right move...I am sure that, among others, you will not miss her pot smoking habit. GL to both.

for those of us who know how truly painful the endless rejection can be, this is cause for congratulations. love isn't always enough, and leaving someone doesn't mean you stop loving them. it means that the love that binds your lives together as partners cannot continue, and, in most cases, it is admission of what you both understand to be true that that kind of love has been gone for some time. too often we, who SHARE this experience, understand completely that we don't live with our partners, if we're lucky we live with good friends and roomates -- if we're not lucky, we live with bitter, negative influences that destroy us (i'm one of the lucky ones). <br />
<br />
you took a difficult step, and only you know your situation. that understand and compassion may have well been mutual relief -- perhaps, it's not wise to mistake that for more than what it is. the difficult part is extricating yourself from a personally damaging situation. good luck to you! i hope you find happiness.

I am new here, and perhaps there is more history you've shared in past stories. However, let's play devil's advocate: <br />
<br />
Was this woman originally someone you loved without question? Do you still love her?<br />
<br />
There's courage in doing something good for yourself if what you're doing or receiving is bad (i.e. quitting smoking, leaving an abuser)<br />
<br />
But, there's no courage in leaving someone you love - especially if you know she's not a bad person.<br />
<br />
Is she that bad?

I am new here, and perhaps there is more history you've shared in past stories. However, let's play devil's advocate: <br />
<br />
Was this woman originally someone you loved without question? Do you still love her?<br />
<br />
There's courage in doing something good for yourself if what you're doing or receiving is bad (i.e. quitting smoking, leaving an abuser)<br />
<br />
But, there's no courage in leaving someone you love - especially if you know she's not a bad person.<br />
<br />
Is she that bad?

Congratulations! And they say there are no happy endings. I'm glad to hear that you're soon going to get back to that "pursuit of happiness" thing. Please do stick around and help us guide others with your experiences.

I'm o very happy for you. Sometimes the things we dread the most go surprisingly easily - thank goodness this was the case for you. You have all my very best wishes for your happiness - a new beginning to be used for your very own benefit!! What a wonderful gift!! Hold onto this thought when the going gets tough - and know we are all here for you.

Thumbs up!..... and my best wishes for you. There is a new and happier life out there for you , of that you can be sure.

Good for you. I wonder what day it will be when I find the courage. Maybe I'll just leave a note... I know it's really a chicken-**** thing to do but maybe that'll be the only way I can...

KF chic, there is no way I am going anywhere, as odd as it sounds, I think it really helped me to put things in perspective, knowing how many people are here to help to listen, to pour out their respective hearts, and so on.....

You will have a life, and you know what, you will be happy. I am very proud of you. Don't leave us, we need your continued support and input.<br />
<br />
You Rock!