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I  just joined and am still getting to know the site.
Yesterday I put a post about having an affair with a mutual friend, It is in the adult bit of confessions.
Incredible to learn other people are in EXACTLY the same boat as me...Wife OK with sex b4 marriage, then it fizzled out.
Thank God for XXX DVDs.
I get sooooooo frustated listening to mates crap on about how they did this that or the other with wife/girlfriend/one nighter etc.
Ah, bollocks....
bandannaman bandannaman 41-45, M 64 Responses Jan 22, 2007

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Wow guys....this totally sucks. I get the other extremes...i want it too much. I ask " do you want a
bJ before work?" And all i get is a mean stare....and the " you are not funny." Well, i still ask every

I can't imagine that ever being my reaction to that question.

Story. Of. MY. Life!! I say these things to my husband in the most serious and seductive way I know possible, and he literally gets frustrated with me. I lashed out at him one day and just said, "You know what--PLEASE, go to work. Talk to your buddies. Ask THEM what their response would be to "Baby, can I please give you a bj before work?!" Ask THEM how many minutes they would be late for work, or if they'd even go in that day! Better yet--ask them if THEIR wives have ever said this to them..." He just rolled his eyes, said he didn't have time for this Bull*&^%. I said, "FINE. If any of them are shocked to hear that YOUR wife does--tell them where WE live!" He was pissed and left. I cried myself back to sleep.

Sex isn' evey thing in a marriage... at some point irt runs out for either him or her. That mus be why they sell so much Viagra and Cialis and sell so many copies of Shades Of Grey. It may not be every thing but it is important to creation. As we all get older the Libido diminishes, women go thru menopause and men sometimes can't get it up. When that happens it is time to find other mutual interests and think about rekindling the love, or was it lust, that brought you together. We have and life at 85 y/o couldn't be better!

Agreed. However, "premature octogenarianism" appears to be running ramptant through the lives of the 20, 30, 40 and 50 year old posters on this site.

I know this is an old post, but this is the best response I've ever heard regarding this.

Sex doesn't run out for all women who are in menopause. With some, sex becomes better and their libido becomes higher. Speaking from my own experience. If I had remained in my sexless marriage, I never would have known how much I still enjoyed sex.

I have friends -- male and female -- who are in their 70s and even in their early 80s who still are enjoying sex. Some need lubes or meds -- hormones or Viagra -- to help. Some don't need those things.

I guess the key here is to find someone who has an actual interest in being intimate. I don't see that ever happening around this house?

ah yes. some day it will naturaly diminish and end. No reason to throw the spouse out. However, at 33, still in my prime, my wife decides she needs to act like she is in her 70's. I suppose (hope?) someday she will realize how foolish it was to waste our sex life when it was still possible. Maybe it was just over for her, but I doubt it. Something more to the story?

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Yea I go to bed everynight wondering if this is the night I might get him to touch me...

my ex wife toward the end complained when i would walk by her and run my hand across her *** that i was treating her like a piece of meat. i was just trying to show her that after 19 years of marriage i still found her attractive. sigh the once every few month that we would have sex....she would just lay there....telling me she wasnt denying i should be happy. The loss of sex was the final straw....i put up with many other things....after lossing sex i started to think....what am i getting out of this marriage after 19 years....the answer was nothing. I wanted more than nothing. Man it was hard thinking about starting over at 41 after being married so long....I wasnt that good at dating in collage....doing it not after so long scared the hell out of me

My husband was never very sexual. But he had prostrate cancer right after we got married, 9 years ago . I said if we have no sex oh well, as long as hes ok. He was treated, and its still gone. And his ability to perform was as good as ever. Then a year after treatment he told me he felt badly bc he didnt think he was as good and would i mind not asking for it for a while?
Of course i said ok, and a year and a half goes by. Im on my new laptop, and all of the sudden, blue screen. I followed prompts, and 1000s of files are pulled up...,, and every **** site known to man! Hed told me to leave him alone in our first year of marriage, so he could find and look at others!!! What the hell? Forward 5 years. Hes disappearing for weeks at a time, until i caught him at a local ****** house. Where he stayed for a week. Am i still here? Yep. Why? Im disabled, he talked me into refinancing my home ive had for 25 years. Now i cant float the payments and can get no help. Anyone have a suggestion?

#1 - I would not mess with him until he is certified as without STDs. There iss no telling what he might have picked up while tom-catting around.
#2 - Tell him he is as good as ever, that he should not feel badly, that you misunderstood him when you stopped jumping his bones and you need him to do so now.
#3 - Do your disabilities affect your sex life?
#4 - It sounds like you are in a bad way with the house. Does he have any assets that you can sell? Is the house solely in your name? You may need to sell and downsize.

I know my refuser probably does it in the shower.

Do they honestly believe we will go without for the rest of our lives?

Seems they do! MY refuser has promised to hurt me bad if I mess around on her. Yet, she will not even let me sleep in her bed anymore? then she wonders why I avoid her all day! Duh!

It not n bollocks but something people do to relieve stress and if you don't like it and kill yourself.

I pretty much am honest. If im not having it here, im having it somewhere else.

It took me a while to gather the courage to stand up and tell the truth. My marrige wasnt what it should be, and though she was a great mother and a good partner we werent built to last. Now we can communicate better than we ever could, she's happy we divorced, and so am i. And i wont go on about how much fun a really good sex life can be, but..... seriously, you meet people who are looking to enjoy life without being tied to it. Its the way i was meant to live, i can tell that much!

they make you live in hope and leave you frustrated....

After a month of "not getting any?" Try over 70 months. Try going that length of time without nourishment. I bet I could roll over and "play dead" for that one...

I think at the "70 months celibacy program" I could try out to be a nun!

That recertifies you as a virgin doessnt it??? Ha!

70 wow, that seems like a long time....but thinking it over..not so bad. It has been so long for me, I don't think I could if I was offered it. Of course at 70 +, I am thinking your not really that into it (him) either? I know for me, she is last on my top ten list! lol

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I know where your ******* from...

Dude, once a woman gets security and comfort, she forgets who gave it to her and begins to bite the hand that feeds. I really don't understand women. If you treat them right, they treat you like sh/it, but if you treat them like sh/it they adore you. What the fu/ck is up with that? Just want you to know bro, theres another guy EXACTLY in the same boat with you.

i dont adore men who are mean

Thank you for being a good woman and not rewarding mean behavior by boys, I won't call them men, and I won't stoop to their level. I think many people confuse the boundaries of being "nice" and "mean". There are sometimes when my girlfriend wants me to dominate and be aggressive - I have no issue with that. But I understand that is a bedroom or role playing behavior and it belongs there. For the most part I treat her like the angel she is. And I adore it when she treats me as her knight in shining armor, but I also enjoy her wanting me to treat her like a ****. Does that make sense?

Thank you ... yes i catch a lot of flack from men because of it, they try to make me think they are not being abusive. when they clearly are ....

Perhaps some of the problems men have is their sources for sexual education and encounters with the opposite sex. Here's a little secret: girls in **** are paid to be unfortunately degraded. Most self-respecting wives want more out of sex than being some jerk's personal, objectified '****'. Contrary to the standard phallus-centered, infantile, selfish "sex scenes" in your adult movies, real life works a little differently. Women like a man who is interested in pleasuring them once in a while.

yes **** can convince you that women are for degrading. and only for a mans pleasure.

women want men to man up, but there is a fine line, be it in sex or being a good father or good husband.

as for my guy, I wish he would man up when it comes to the bed room !!

but he wont and im not going to beg!!!

He might very well be totally clueless and not thinking about sex at all. You can wait until the cows come home, but he may never initiate sex.

I recommend just getting into bed with him at night and simply starting what you want to happen. Forget about asking for it. Talk won't get you anywhere. Take charge and keep your fingers crossed.

Just one humble opinion from a man with an asexual wife.

Perhaps true with your personal experience... but I've supported and been our family's rock for the last 6 years while husband was busy running a construction business, being a firefighter and in the USAF Reserves... oh yeah, and having a year-long affair! I've done nothing but BE THERE for him and his 12 year-old kid who I adore, and I just found out about a week ago that he'd been having an affair. He barely has the energy to give me a good night kiss, let alone screw another woman. I'm furious about his behavior and don't understand the big why just yet. I know it wasn't me, as our sex life balance has always felt like I want it more than he does. That's especially what kills me.

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On ****...I don't think it is a big deal at all, unless he (or she) is using it to escape from their partner. I like ****, but sex with my wife (which we basically don't do now) is 100x better than ****. Of course, if you are not having sex with your SO, either because of physical distance, or because your partner does not want to have sex, then **** helps.

Your pain at braggarts is understandable. As a young adult I knew a guy (family we were friends with) who was skilled at getting girls in bed and enjoyed bragging about it. He also would fix up other guys with easy lays, but not me.

Were I to meet him on the street today I would not hesitate to put him in the hospital or the grave, no hesitation, just action.

i know how you feel it's driving me mad

its so confusing to be told how beautiful you are... how much he loves you... always, forever... and oh how i want you ... need you... im going to do this and that to you.... and you get married.. and thats that... all of a sudden he tells me.... i have to do this and that... your so annoying... you think with your *****.... I would snuggle up to him for just a loving cuddle after waiting 16 hrs for him to come home from work and when he thought i was sound asleep he practically threw my head off of him. This is after taking care of our baby all by my self, alone ... no help... i've given up everything thing i knew and had.. i know no body, have no friends....I don't understand how someone can be so heartless and cold?... we have sex maybe 8 times a year... it's pathetic... I feel like I've waisted years on him.. for nothing... I can't figure out why he won't just tell me.. he's not interested in me... or some real reason... gay?... idk... anything.. but let me out of my misery!

project omg i understand sooooo much of what you said...

my refuser has said the same... we ere going to do this/ that and go here and do that...... NOT!

i am now a caregiver for him because he had a heart /a do to smoking and sitting on his *** all day for years ...

Sweetheart, I feel your pain. I still have yet to find some answer.

why to have a wife?If dvds and right hands work so nice!!!

It gets boring

and you crave that human connection, just to let you know you can still feel, that you're still alive.

E-X-A-C-T-L-Y - well put 'rose

and it hurts when its something so small

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I have no desire to be with my man anymore. I was never crazy attracted to him, but I love him. We used to make love every other day on average, but it always seemed like I could just be a mannequin and he'd have just as much fun. I was very willing before I found out about his affair. Now, it's always an act on my part. It's not like it was with my first boyfriend. It's uncomfortable. What he seems to like hurts me. There is no loving touch. Even if he kisses me he seems to just shove his tongue in, leave it there and kind of just anchor his head on mine. It's .... not pleasurable. I'm okay because I love him and he will never hear from me that things aren't perfect, but I'm wondering if some of you men out there are not getting attention from your wives because that may be the problem. It's a chore for me. I get pleasure by myself. I wish I could want him again. I don't want a divorce, but I wish I could take a pill to make me want him. Is there viagara for women? He just isn't good at lovemaking. :(

Your husband probably is a terrible lover no matter who he is with.The troublesome part is that he doesn't seem to want to please you.

Stand up for what you want and need. If he stinks at lovemaking, you're the only one who can show him what you do like. Tell or show him exactly what to do. Respond to him in a way he understands and likes. Eventually, he should get the message and with your encouragement, you should start getting what you want.

I, for one, would have died and gone to heaven if my wife would even allow us to talk about what she likes and doesn't. Not a word. Everything I do is a guess. It worked for other women, but apparently not for her. I read everthing you wanted to know about sex, etc.; no help, nothing works.

If you tell him and show him exactly what you like and want and he still can't make you happy, he's hopeless. Or maybe wants you to initiate the divorce, so he can be the "victim" and not be the one to "give up".

Is it illegal to murder a sexless spouse...?

yep my guy is not good at the love making ... and im not good at teaching a grown *** man how to make love.... his hands feel like claws ... his fingers dig into me..uggggg

wow, that's terrible! I am so sorry. At least mine was good before he decided sex wasn't important.

Have you ever asked him to change his technique or do what pleasures you? Many men ignore such requests but there are the rare jewels out there who DO want to please you but they don't know how.

yes most men do ignore such requests, they see it as nagging

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if i had a friend who gave me sex once a week i would be a happy man and my marriage would be happier also but not paying for sex

if i had a friend who gave me sex once a week without paying for it i would be in a happier marriage

On the opposite boat... my husband lost lust in me. He prefers **** to me... and I seduce him a lot...


Except for medical cases, a marriage that lacks sex or even just hugs/cuddles/kisses can display a range of deeper problems. Apparently, there is an emotional disconnection .I think good communication can lessen the gravity of a dying marriage and bridge that emotional gap .

Tired of talking just want a woman who undestands i'm maried and just want to satisfy our desires together........wether online by webcam or in person point me ladies.

I would be in absolute exctasy if I were hugged, kissed. Getting pretty pathetic!

I am amazed at how any of us live in these types of situation and I guess tolerate it. I may analyze mine too much. The bottom line for me is my self esteem is slipping away. There isan occassional cuddling, but no french kissing, not touching of the breast or anywhere else for that matter, and the explanation is "she feels dead as a woman" due to menopause. Now understand that my wife is 61 and absolutely a beautiful and delicious woman, The touch of her skin is like a drug to me and even though I require the little blue pill now and then a lot of touching and passionate kissing makes them unnecessary. I sometimes wonder if it's truly menopause or some deep desire she has to use me as a payback for all the abusive relationships she has had prior to meeting me.
Or maybe since she knows I have such a strong sexual appetite thinks if she witholds sex and intimacy from me I will go out and find someone and she will be done with me or have a reason to throw me out. See what the mind can do to a person and as a man a little more of me dies out each day. I want to be with her to the death and of that I am certain. Several months back I was told I have a very rare form of cancer and began treatment and now with 14 chemo treatments underm my belt the desire to be ciddle and higged and loved has never been stronger , also since things have a tendency to work a litlle slower , help is needed sometimes to stimualte the situation . Forget it , to touch me means i will get excited and then want sex. I cry I feel sorry for myself , but even with the lack of intimacy I have been able to keeo a very positive attitude and that as my doctor and nurse say is what has gotten me through this with no issues at all.I have gained 5 pounds and still feel very healthy.
As I hope all this passes this is what I have done and continue to do each and every day, in the hope that the wife will weaken and someday say to herself "what am I doing to this poor man"
For 11 years that we have been married she get a card for the day we moved in together and one for our anniversay never have missed, not once. The same for birthdays Christmas and any other occassion that comes along.
There has never been a day were I have not said I love and mean it. Or told her what a beautiful and delicious woman she is and how most woman would kill to look liek she does at her age. I keep my place, nerver touching her or grabbing her(not cause I don't want to) and only ask for sex on the weekend cause that's all that acceptable. Sometimes it happens most of the time it's a temper tantrum. I would love to go down on her and just spend hours getting her aroused if allowed and I don't care if ends in penetration of not , I want to give amd feel the passion, It was there once, many times she would come home from work and go to change in the bedroom and I would take her right there and she would allow and welcome it, How deos that all change so drastically. I cannot believe the woman who are turned down by their husbands , do the husbands realize if they gave in what pleasure awaits them especially when a woman has been holding back.
Sorry to ramble but I think you see the frustration and hurt that is building inside of me. This cancer is pretty much under control and there have been days I wish it wsn't so there was an end date to all this sexless living

I totally feel you and understand you. funny how my sensual nature gets more time to play when I dance than I've ever had in marriage.
very sad.

seems like most of mysexual experiences have been ************, cyber and phone sex since I was a teen. for over half my life. pretty sad.

hang in there - stay strong

hehe thanx

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<p>&nbsp;<p>I must be one of a small group, who doesn't turn the rejection into hating my self, I like who I am, faults and all... <br />
I do feel bad about not having a relationship, not being able to have a life full of love and warmth, where I'm not able to express my sexuality freely.... not even in a small way, with the one i choose to make a life with. <br />
sad, so very sad</p><p></p>

maybe your friends are lying about the all nighters LOL ;) Lots of frustrated people on here. I am new as well :)

Lots? What you think in percentages?


My right hand is my main sex partner, though occasionally I'd cheat on my right hand with my left.

Mr. Hitachi's magical wand is my favorite friend.
I think your right hand will forgive you for the left hand occasional fling.

Yes but **** only gets you so far. I never thought I would be saying this but I think I'm getting sick of my vibrator! lol


so sad but true( regarding those overused household appliances) but a good sturdy, plug in
hand tool does keep one from going absolutely bonkers.

My husband complains that we only have sex 3 times a week on average, sometimes more. And he still complains..... Now that I am pregnant with a high risk pregnancy and we have been forbidden to have sex until at least 14 weeks he ******* everyday. Man he should talk to one of you guys maybe he'll finally shut up.

Let him talk to me. You still love him? xW

Sounds abnormal on the opposite end of the spectrum.. I agree with you. In relationships I have dealt with that as well.

My husband complains that we only have sex 3 times a week on average, sometimes more. And he still complains..... Now that I am pregnant with a high risk pregnancy and we have been forbidden to have sex until at least 14 weeks he ******* everyday. Man he should talk to one of you guys maybe he'll finally shut up.

this is why people should live together for at least two years before marrying, need to determine if your sex drives are compatible

this is why people should live together for at least two years before marrying, need to determine if your sex drives are compatible

I love sex...I am 54 years old and have lived in a sexless marriage, for 14 years (married 17). While someday, I too, will tell my story, I have found my desires increasing, instead of decreasing!! I want a LTR with someone great, but finding someone at this point to meet MY needs on a consistent and loving basis is just a pipe dream!! I don't think men like sexually aggressive and confident women.

I don't know about sexually aggressive but, I am not so sure about men not liking a confident woman

I do.

Hmm ... a woman who knows what she likes and goes about getting it. And it is sex with me.

Nope, I have no problem with that at all! Sounds like a dream come true!