Not Sure What to Make of It

I have been going out with a man for just over a year and half, we get on really well never argue but when ever we have sex it seems like it has to be planed on his behalf. I thought it was me he was not that bothered about and i never turned him on, as he has been married twice, his second marriage not lasting very long... he has just left the army after serving 22 years, and i met him over the internet while he was on tour, he loved talking dirty some times, but when we we evntually met up he was not the person he made out he was.. dont get me wrong he is a nice man and treats me kind, its just that he dont make any avances on me it seems like i am the one having to make the move.... i have told him i cant live like this and its best we call it a day if this is how we are to live... he has started to make more effort and told me he dont wont to lose me, so i am just sitting this out for a while longer see how it goes. 

123mamsy 123mamsy
41-45, F
5 Responses Feb 18, 2009

If they don't love it like you love it... then there's nothing but anguish for you in the future. PERIOD.

The danger signs are there. Start for nearest exit. If you have any doubt about him your gut feeling is probably correct. <br />
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Understand that if he has had 22 years of military service I should think he has advanced in command roles at least to an E8 or E9 level an as a non commissioned officer or as an officer at least to major or above. Any less rank attained will indicate that he is a loser and if has risen to command positions as I mentioned he will have a capacity to command and control. <br />
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This does have an effect on families in the military as a result. Not in all cases but in some it is difficult to change hats when in the field and at home. I 've been there and done that and it can cause problems.<br />
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I must float my stick with KFC ion this one most assuredly.

Sounds like control issues and hangups. Run like hell!

Please believe me when I say that you should END it now. I admire Reflections for giving you such non-judgemental suggestions, but I truly believe you are storing up trouble for yourself if you take it further.<br />
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He may be a lovely person - many of us on this forum are married to truly wonderful people - but if you like sex and he doesn't, it will truly ruin your life to stay with him. Don't risk it.<br />
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I have recently discovered that some non-sex people actually like cyber sex more than the real thing. Now I LOVE cyber sex - it gets me all hot and bothered! But NO way do I think it equals the real thing!<br />
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Maybe your guy finds sexy talk by email enough and doesn't really want the real thing . . . ? Who knows?<br />
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Maybe "he's just not that into you"???<br />
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Whatever the reason, it seems to me that this relationship can only lead to heartache for you.

Sorry you find yourself in this situation. You can choose to sit this out and wait a little longer to see if there is a change, but I can almost guarantee, there won't be. <br><br><br><br />
You can't live your life, dependent on his needs, time fr<x>ame and sexual moves.<br><br><br><br />
Since he has been married twice, and they both ended, perhaps this has been a lifelong problem for him in this department. As long as you don't rock the boat, you will have a nice pleasant relationship with this man.<br><br><br><br />
However, you have to ask yourself:<br><br><br><br />
. Is this enough for me<br><br><br><br />
. Is this how I want to live forever and ever<br><br><br><br />
. When can I expect more from my lover?<br><br />
I am an advocate of counseling ... seek someone you can speak to about your emotions in this relationship. Waiting for somebody to change .. can take a lifetime .. and sometimes you are sitting there waiting for something that is never going to happen. <br><br><br><br />
You are in your mid 40's ... your life is NOW.<br><br><br><br />
BLESSINGS,