OMG Where Is This Person?

I just read someone's story.  He wasn't in the Sexless Marriage Group, but posted it in Married but Alone.  Now here is someone who knew what he was talking about!

   By Ajatsea


If you are not in one you probably know someone who is. I am in one. Before I go on, less than 10 times per year or so is a sexless marriage . The Americans call it DINS. (Dual Income No Sex) - Don't laugh , it is real.   For years I struggled with my obsession with sex until I realized the fault is not mine. I want sex, but I am not getting it and here is my epiphany. My revelation.   If you look at a brick house (face brick or not yet plastered) what do you see? Bricks. In your marriage the bricks represent love and are the building blocks you need. Now look closer. Between the bricks. What do you see? Mortar, cement. It is what holds the bricks together. In marriage it represents passion, lust, chemistry. And that is far less than the bricks by such a huge margin, but take it away and the house will not be able to weather the storms.   When you get married they say 'and do you promise to forsake all others'. And you do. But woman so often only heard to 'forsake all'. (Some men too) Now listen up ladies. (And men) No sex means no marriage! If you are not having sex you are not married. You are friends with a contract, or business partners.   What is sex? Sex does not necessarily mean penetration. What's wrong with a good snog or a cuddle , with oral sex, massage, foreplay and naughty tickling? I want all those things. Men must realize that sex is more than penetration and that bad sex leads to no sex and as stated before no sex means no marriage. But woman are also responsible in the bad sex category. You must tell him what you want, what you like and dislike. If you do not you are expecting him to read your mind and I, for one, cannot! I want sex.
I want all kinds of sex and I want to experiment because I have not yet done all these things. I like blue movies because it shows me things I don't know and also because it turns me on to see naked people having sex (yes the ladies turns me on - get over it!). I know sex like a **** star is for cameras but amateur sex is like we all do it just kinky. I want to feel. I want my wife to have bedroom eyes now and then and seduce me or even force me. I want someone who talks to me and tell me how they feel or how I make her feel. No amount of love will ever be able to make a friendship into a marriage. You may love enough to die for each other but without a feeling of passion, lust, want, it is only a friendship.   But this is no excuse for bad sex. If you think sex is humping like a dog you are wrong, boet. Try massaging her for half an hour before sex. Or oral sex till your jaw falls off. Try new things and different ways. At least try other things than just in and out. I don't care if you have a 35 inch **** as big you're arm. No foreplay still means one dimensional, boring sex. She may like it but I guarantee that another man with a smaller **** can excite her better and even give her a better ******. A woman has a mouth, breasts and a vagina. (And an *** for those who think I missed that) I know, they know, you know, we all know. Now get over it! That is less than 10% of a woman's body. What are you doing with the rest? Connect the dots and play. Tickle sensually. Caress. Massage Kiss her all over until she wants more. Tell her dirty stories and not just "Uhhh, I wanna f... you so hard, the neighbors will wake up" or "Suck my c.. b.. !" (If that turns her on, Hallelujah Brother! - but most woman want some level of intelligence - We left the hairy ape phase eons ago) Wake up and smell her body. She is beautiful and sensual and sexy and glorious and she is yours.   Now it is true that sex cannot always be long and sensual. There is a place for a quickie in the closet. But if that is where you are at all the time you have to make a plan.   And ladies please. We men need sex like we need air. I need sex, like I need air. If you continue to say no because you don't like how I do it I will go get it somewhere else and I will never know how you want it. If you screw my brains out I will be too tired and too low on testosterone to even look at another woman. If you make me sweat and let me share my deep, dark, dirty fantasies with you without judgment, I will be yours forever! On my word of honor. No jokes and no questions. If you feel fat and ugly, remember I still married you and I still need it from you and if it bothers you that much go on a diet and do something about it. Change you're make up even, but don't push me away because you got issues about you're looks that is actually no issue to me. I love you and I want to be with you.   Push me away often enough and I will not come back.   This does not mean that a healthy relationship where the man is just a sex maniac gives him the right to cheat. When we meet someone we check music taste and family trees and income and interests. But why do we never check sexual need? I like sex a minimum of twice a week. Less has to be made up at another time. I like giving and receiving oral sex. I like tying up and some spanking. I have a prostate and I know where it is and I like it. If you cannot live with that then maybe we are not meant to be together. Compromise is one thing but denying the truth because your partner does not like it means lying. And a relationship built on deceit can never work. If you are not being you're true self your wife/partner is living with someone else because its not you. You need to throw that bastard out and take your partner back or she was never yours. And if she then rejects you she never was yours anyway because she wanted the other man. The one you are not. This is no excuse to be a slob, rude, unkind, un-ambitious or just stupid. You can strive to be better and she may want you to be better but be upfront about what you are looking for.   Write each others good and bad points down. Then write down what you want to change. Be honest. Exchange papers and either accept that this is the truth or leave. No honesty means no marriage/relationship can work. Ever.   So, to sum up: No sex means no marriage. Fake sex (That includes fake *******) means lying and no marriage can work if built on deceit. Boring sex based on only one partners needs leads to no sex and we know where that leads to. Hiding your wants and needs, means you are lying and deceiving your partner.   Love is not enough. Neither is lust. But together, they build a home.   If you read this and agree with it copy and forward to as many as you can If you want to say something to me mail me at Insult me or agree. Tell me your story or just add a comment. Scream and yell I don't care. This is how I feel. And I am alone. And now I know why.   

kungfuchic kungfuchic
46-50, F
19 Responses Feb 18, 2009

I remember reading this..i loved it then....i love it more now....i think i commented on it.
Thanks for sharing this with everyone.

Luv everything about this! He had me at..give her oral til ur jaw falls off..luv it!

Bravo. This is profound and true in so many ways

Well said. I couldn't help but notice that no one is flaming him for his opinion that sex is a prerequisite for a marriage to be a marriage.

It will take some time to read this...but I really plan to....totally understand the bricks and mortar. Someone else in a book said...Trust and Respect are good...but also death in a needs the excitement of lust, passion,...even a little jealosy. Trust and Respect are boring...If the 'Him does not excite other women not good...if 'Her' doesnt excite other men...well then you end up as roommates...managers of a family coorporation...not lovers...<br />
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Taking a trip this week...bringing a book..'Kosher Adultery' (wife HATES the title...but I reallly dont care...its either worked on...or it aint.

Well said. At least it feels a little less lonely because we are alone together.

Goldiliks, me too! Too late now - but I wish I had this years ago - who knows how things might have gone??

Great post. Very enjoyable.......and true that we need to open our eyes......

I feel like printing that one out, highlighting it and handing it to my husband!! I don't have the nerve, but wow, he said it all! Too bad he hasn't written more lately. Thanks for finding it and sharing it.

Thank you. I will print this and read it on a daily basis. Are you a writer?

100% perfect story!

Wow!!!! Hmmmm....what a guy, what insights, what a writer and I fully agree on all points. Awesome!

"If you make me sweat and let me share my deep, dark, dirty fantasies with you without judgment, I will be yours forever!" <BR>Well, that about does it for me .. <br />
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"Hiding your wants and needs, means you are lying and deceiving your partner"<br />
Well according to DH I am over-sexed and hyper... right on again.

I concur.

Is a sexless marriage worth staying in after 30 years. It has been this way at least7 years. Therapy, coupples weekends, etc has not helped. He destroyed it for her and it will never be the same. Is it worth giving up all we have i hopes that someday we may find someone else?

We could email his gmail and invite him to share with us...

I have to say, this guy hit it right on the head. This was the only story he posted and he has not been seen since October 08.

The man is dead on. He actually substantiates all that I have believed and the manner where by I have lived all these years. He doesn't refer to undertaking any responsibilities that is also part of that contract. I may assume that children were never part of his mix.<br />
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Put that back into his comments and the glorious picture he creates here does change a bit.

If you visit "I live in a sexless marriage" you will find thousands of us who can truly understand what you are saying. We welcome you, but we wish, for your sake, that your life was different.