I Keep In Shape But She Still Doesnt Seem to Want Me

Ok.. so am not married! But have been in a long term relationship for 8 years and we have two lovely kids together.  But should the kids be enough to keep us in a lustless 'almost' sexless relationship...?  If only she had let herself go, but she hasnt and is still as hot to me now as the first time we met... and so my desire for sex and adventure are just as strong.  Unfortunately hers is not and its driving me insane, we have tried talking but she thinks i'm just obsessive and asking too much, maybe its me :( 

Just in case.. I have my own gym and work out 3 times a week, i was training when we met and and i am now in even better shape but she just doesnt seem interested anymore... so should i bother????  Or should i vegetate in front of the television eating junk food and accept that once a month is average.............  

Lonelyinlove34 Lonelyinlove34
36-40, M
6 Responses Feb 20, 2009

well thanks for the feed back... not sure how much any can help, we have tried the deep and meaning fulls before, we do talk all the time and are best of friends!! We have even spoken about the sex before and we almost went our seperate ways but after a few tears and lots of hugs she agreed to make more of an effort and i agreed to be not so greedy...... things were great.... for about a month! :( She has admitted it was the same with her last partner before me... he left her for the same reason and I am sure that if it wasnt for our children i would have left her too, Theres no doubt we are in love but i am so horny almost all the time, its at night i find it hardest... she goes up to bed on her own early but i dont follow as am so restless knowing that she doesnt want me. So glad I have my computer and am often up late chatting with friends keeping my mind busy untill i fall asleep............

well enna and lonelyin love, I wish you guys some success in your sexual endeavors! : )

It is wonderful to be young and have such faith, girlgirl!! I can only wish it were completely true!<br />
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You are absolutely right about the communication bit - but sadly, even this does not work in a lot of cases.<br />
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Some of the guys on this forum have turned themselves inside out in EVERY respect trying to persuade their wives to have sex - but without results.<br />
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Same for lots of us women - only in reverse.<br />
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It is very unfortunate but there ARE some people for whom a sexless existence is something they want - hard to believe but true.<br />
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I'm so glad that at your stage of life you cannot even imagine it!! Please be sure to find a healthy man who loves sex for your life partner - and don't ever end up here as a member of this forum. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!!

Hey guys, let me break it down for you.<br />
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Awesome that you are in shape, very important. And it's hard to do! So I commend you on that.<br />
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But, as this one guy is taking a biological and old time chivalry spin on this, I will continue.<br />
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You're basically doing the bright red robin to attract the female bird, the peacock with all his feathers thing. And that's nice to see on the outside. But our world is not so simple any more, and the other guy's right, it's not about bringing home the money anymore, because we girls do that too now.<br />
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So now lovers just have to fall together. Communicate. Talk. Love. LIKE! Very important.<br />
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I hope nothing I said sounds offensive. I feel for you... maybe, still work at your bod, but put an equal amount of effort in working on/with her. <br />
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Make her "feel nice." And from personal experience, try not to expect anything at first. Because girls just know when guys are doing something nice just to get sex. <br />
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Seriously do nice things without expecting to get anything back. It will happen. She can't help but want to have sex at that point.

right there with you man. i just don't get it. i am still attracted to my wife and so are other guys which makes it even harder for me! i tell my best mate that it's like owning a nice sports car - it looks good but you never get to take it for a spin. the doors are locked and you can't find the keys.<br />
keep taking care of yourself regardless becasue you just never know. but women who won't have sex with their spouses/boyfriends and then get possesive or jealous if they think other women want you or flirt with you are selfish. men want to be wanted, and need to be needed. we want to be desired and longed for. we need to be more to our women then just good fathers, and helpers around the house, and income earners. we need to be those things too - but the reasons we do those things is to be attractive to women! its ancient biology and opriginal dna at work. so if by doing thses things we aren't attractive our mates to mate with us, what good is all that other stuff!<br />
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sorry to rant. :) good luck my friend!

Keep doing the workouts... but do it for yourself.<br />
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I am in a similar situation as you, and I have had it.<br />
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I have taken up running, and it is awesome. I love it, it is a huge stress relief. <br />
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Keep your head up man.