Do I Stay Or Do I Go

I also am having a problem with my husband. He has been whoring around for years. I guess it is my fault that I have allowed this to get this far gone. It was just random encounters and I turned the other way because I thought he was just sowing his wild oats or getting caught in situations when he was drinking. I let myself believe this, then last year I went for my yearly check up and I had an STD. I threatened to leave and take the baby, we have a daughter who is almost three now. I lost a baby because of the medicine that I had to take to get rid of the STD, since then our sex life has fizzled. Last year we made love all of 9 times. So far this year we have only made love twice. He is always using my weight as an excuse, but I have been going to the gym and losing weight and he still doesn't really touch me. When we do have sex is eyes are closed like he is thinking of someone else. I went through his phone last night and saw all of these text messages between him and some woman and I am pissed. I confronted him about it today and when I got home he was vomitting and had diarrhea. He's sleep right now and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to continue this marriage and I don't know if I want to leave. I have to think out every possible scenario for the sake of my daughter. I want to raise her within a family, but what kind of family are we? I want to be happy too. Because of my religion I don't believe in sex outside of marriage. I could never be in a relationship where all the sex is outside of the marriage and the people are just in the marriage for the sake of the children and keep up appearances. I can't do it. I don't know what to do because I love my husband and I desire him so much, I can't live like this, but I don't know what the next step is.

cheatedoutoflife cheatedoutoflife
31-35, F
8 Responses Feb 20, 2009

Cheated, You know what the answer is. Deep down inside you know that the right decision is to leave with your lovely daughter and start a new and better life. I wish you a beautiful life ahead. I wish you courage and strength. PM me if you need to talk. You take care of yourself and that precious little girl, spend time with family and friends and focus on them. Somehow I sense that you will leave him. I can oly hope that I am right.

My heart goes out to u , i can feel ur pain . i know what its like to be with a man as selfish ,and cruel as him. I got away before i lost my sanity, my ex was an alcoholic [chroinic] and as far as other women were concerned i wouldnt trust him as far as id throw him. you know in ur heart n soul you deserve better than him. Do not allow your self to be a doormat any longer, living like this is not good for ur daughter.<br />
Im greatful i dumped him; O.k life can be lonely ' but id prefer to live in a cardboard box than live with some one like my EX. When u cant trust and repect some one theres nothing left. All the Best. Take Care of YOURSELF AND YOUR LITTLE GIRL.

Listen to them all, and get out. If necessary find a womens shelter or some kind of womens help group... considering the details of your story you should have no problem getting help to start over... <br />
you will be happy you did<br />

A comment from a guy:<br />
LEAVE!!! The guy isn't in love with you or he wouldn't be ******* other women and bringing home a STD. This is so wrong on so many levels, not the least of which is that he cares only for himself.<br />
I'm a guy, and I know that guys don't change unless they want to change. Please take your daughter and raise her without this man as a daily influence. Show her what is right; model courage and conviction! I gotta tell you, guys like this give all of us a bad name and a terrible rep! He cheated on you! Get away from that! <br />
I'm no angel, but I will cast the first stone here. The guy is bad news. You are worthy of better, even if better means raising a child in a one-parent environment. My mom did this and we all appreciate that she saved us from the influence and cruelty of our dad. Be that person. Be that hero to your duaghter.<br />
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He has made it clear that he would rather be elsewhere...and, indeed has taken it elsewhere. It is my guess that you both are still in the relationship because you are used to being there, used to making excuses to yourself about how it's better for your daughter to be with her family. YOU are her family--your family is her family. Are you used to putting up with his s*** for the greater good of the situation? What if you do make waves? What if you did pick a fight? He'll pretend to be mad, and not grace you with his presence. Yeah, so?<br />
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And there are mean out there who like women with a little meat on their bones.

I think we can put up with a lot if we truly feel our love is returned and if we have respect for our partners and our partners respect us.<br />
From the outside lookig in, it seems like you partner is not worthy of your love or respect. He certainly hasn't treated you with respect - and it is hard to believe he really loves you if he is behaving like this. <br />
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But! I know I lived with a similar man for 12 years, always trying to believe it would work out. It didn't - and I doubt your's will either.<br />
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Sorry to be so gloomy - I wish I could fix things for you.<br />
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As far as your daughter is concerned, I really like what Unicorn59 said:<br />
It's better to come from a broken home, than to live in one.

You say that you love your husband...I'm wondering why? Do you really love him or do you love being married and having a father for your child? If he has been "whoring around for years," if he gave you an STD (and if I read this right, the medicine caused you to lose a baby!), then how can you possibly love him? <br />
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I believe strongly that once a person is a parent, her child becomes the prime focus of life and that her actions and decisions need to put your child first. You need to decide if it is better for your daughter to live in the situation that you are in now or not. What kind of father is your husband? He certainly doesn't sound like much of one if his actions caused the loss of a child! Does he take care of his daughter? Would she be better off if he wasn't in the picture?<br />
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Whatever you decide, you need to really understand how you feel and what is going on in your life. You should figure out how you can "love someone" who treats you as you've been treated and decide if that is the actual meaning of love. Do what is best for your daughter and for you. Your member name says it all and you have probably lost enough of life. It is time to take control, dump the loser and find someone who really loves you, (and who you love back)!<br />
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Good luck and remember...Don't give in to what is easiest because then you will never leave. Nothing worth having is easy and everything of value is worth fighting for.

If only we could make it all go away and everybody would live Happily Ever After ~~ unfortunately, that's fiction in Fairy Tales and you are dealing with real life situations with your husband.<br />
There has to be RESPECT in a marriage, whether there is sex or not. You can respect him for his support and for his love to his child, but you can't respect him for shunning you and putting your health in danger when you are raising HIS child.. he is very SELFISH and CRUEL to blame your weight on all unsolved problems in the marriage.<br />
Don't let anybody take advantage of you or make a doormat out of you.. RESPECT yourself and your child and start to think of how to make live happier and healthier for you and your child.<br />
Sadly, I agree with the previous comments, you need to safeguard your health in this lose-lose situation.<br />
Blessings Sent Your Way