An Idea

I think it's sad to read about so many people in sexless marriages or relationships.

I have read that if you can discuss the problem with your partner and say that you would like him/her to pleasure you even if they are not in the mood, it can help. Sometimes, in pleasuring you, it can turn them on. Just an idea.

felicita felicita
66-70, F
5 Responses Feb 21, 2009

In some "primitive" societies, the young people were encouraged to experiment among themselves with sex, to give them a chance to discover who was compatible with them (Margaret Mead was the researcher, I believe). Contrary to expectations, few pregnancies eventuated, and those that did were cheerfully and lovingly cared for by the whole tribe or village.<br />
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Even today, I believe that Polynesian societies are very tolerant of out-of-wedlock pregnancies. Also, children are universally loved and cared for by any family they care to visit for a time. They apparently swap around a lot. Its a good way to be...

Meerin<br />
I see your point. Begging is demeaning.<br />
Outofpatience<br />
Maybe that's a good argument for trying before you buy

I really don't want to have to cajole my husband into touching me. I already feel repulsive enough. It defeats the purpose to have to beg for it- and not in the fun way!

If somehow there was a test we could take to see if we are sexually compatible before we get married. It would prevent a lot of heart ache. I do you deal with the rejection after while. I do not know it really gets to me.

Fleurina, thank you for comenting in this forum. Sadly, I think most of us have tried "every trick in the book" to overcome the sexless nature of our marriages. <br />
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Altho' some post here who are just going throuh a "dry spell" most of us have lived many years (in my case more than 12 years) without ANY sexual contact from our spouses.<br />
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In my case my husband flinches if I touch him. He will give me a hug and brief kiss on the lips, but nothing more. If I rest my hand on his leg (arm, chest, anywhere) he will gently remove it or shrug away. If I touch him in any wauy intimately he flinches and withdraws.<br />
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As you can imagine, my self esteem is not great! But I'm an attractive woman (I'm told!) who has lots of attention from other men - so I don't think it is entirely my fault.<br />
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I just think that some people are, for whatever reason, happy to live sexless lives. It is just a tragedy that they choose people like me (with a normal to high libido) to marry!