New

I am kind of new at this.  live in Oregon.  My wife has lost all of her desire due to an operation.  Just not sure how to handle it all.

joeygregor joeygregor
51-55, M
11 Responses Feb 21, 2009

I think after we have been married for so long things just happen. I'm not the expert here as I need some help myself. We need to all remember what it was that attracted us to each other. Try to bring that back into the relationship...date again...find time for each other. Marriage is hard and we can never stop working at it.

OMG! Joey: Welcome to our site. Sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, surgery has left your wife in a lost libido situation and you a lonely husband. Here is what I would suggest. Talk to her, tell her you miss making love to her. Ask her if she will speak to her medical doctor first and then maybe with a sex therapist.<br />
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You see guys, what's so hard about offering an experienced ear and a little advice.

I must be from a different planet.<br />
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I've reread Fun55's and my own post, and I do not see anything offensive or critical.<br />
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President Obama said it himself tonight "we must take responsibility for our own future."<br />
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To me, that means I control my own destiny regardless of the obstacles in front of me.<br />
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Joeygregor I've been on both sides of this "what should I do" fence, and I would not entertain anything that has to do with pity, compassion, understanding, or anything remotely involving excess emotion.<br />
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If you do (trust me), this site will become your prison.<br />
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You'll start to think like a victim. You'll seek solace, therapy, comfort and anything that seems like a nice, safe and cozy bed.<br />
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You'll look for people to protect you from the 'boogie' man, because the thought of facing him down yourself terrifies you.<br />
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If this forum didn't exist you'd still be the only solution to your problem anyway - so why not use your own power.<br />
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Fun55's advice seems appropriate because he's indirectly saying (to me that is) your problem is not bigger than you.<br />
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You don't need comforting if the problem is beneath you. <br />
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You also don't need a therapist to give you a prescription of fancy words to make you feel like you need special help.<br />
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What you need is courage. But just like the lion recognized (in Wizard of Oz) it was already there.<br />
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Therefore, "Buck Up", is right solution. It means use the courage you already have.

We are non-judgmental and supportive on this site.<br><br />
I too am sorry you were bounced around and treated with disrespect in some of the comments.<br><br />
Without knowing the background of your marriage and your wife's operation that caused this horrible lose, it's difficult to comment.<br><br />
However, perhaps there is a therapist that could help you both in this dilemma. There are others on this board who have similar health situations with their spouses. Perhaps you can read back on sexlessincolorado<br><br />
We will try and help you the best we know how<br><br />
Blessings,

Please do not be put off by some comments. It takes courage to open up and ask for others thoughts on what you are going through. You will get a lot of support here and find people that are understanding. I have found that the people who have really gone through rough times in life are the most understanding. And these are the people that show compassion towards others. <br />
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As to your situation I would have to know more to give my thoughts on it. Just know that I understand what it is like to have no intimacy in life. I wish for you that you find the answers that you need.

Will Powers and Fun55 are self appointed "gurus" on this site. Personally, I can hardly ever see any compassion or understanding in their posts. You two guys are so sure of yourselves and so smug, it is sickening!<br />
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Sorry, Joeygregor to use your post to harangue these two, but frankly they give me the *****!<br />
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You (Joey) find yourself in the same dilemma that brings all of us to this site (except for a few pervs who come to observe other people's misery) and you deserve to be treated properly and with respect.<br />
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You have my utmost sympathy and I wish I could tell you how to improve things. Sadly, it seems to be something beyondresolution for most of us.<br />
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Sending you my best wishes.

welcome. you will find many here who can share what you are feeling and going through. Just share your stories and learn from others' stories.<br />
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You may not find all the answers you need here but you will find many here who can share in what you are going through and that is a step in the right direction.

I have power and have used it. I have not cheated nor intend to.<br />
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I thought this was a group to help, not be critical. Funny, the girls seem to be the ones who are listening while the guys say "Buck up!". LOL

Come on guys......Give the new kid a break.....He is starting on the right track.....<br />
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To answer the question what is a guy to do....Well we come here.....and talk about what is going on.....We ask questions....and we answer them.......And we have great fun.....You will get the hang of it real fast....I did...and I have to check in at least twice a day.....And at times even more....hehehehehe This comming from a someone that was a computer dummy until last May....hehehehe<br />
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Welcome to the funny farm my dear.....It is a great ride

Fun55-<br />
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Thank you.<br />
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You could've have empathized w/ JoeyGregor and furthered that "I have no power" mentality.<br />
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But I believe you know (like I do) we are much more powerful and creative beings when we put our minds to it.<br />
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Bravo, Sir!

*hugs* how is she doing? and how long has it been?