I Don't Want to Be Sexually Active

I am sterile and believe sex is just for procreation so there is no reason that I should have to submit to it.

TouchMeNot TouchMeNot
41-45, F
16 Responses Feb 22, 2009

I would sure like to hear his side of this story. An old proverb says that everyone seem right until they are cross examined.<br><br />
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What was the Prozac taken for?<br><br />
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I could understand a loving husband not wanting to hurt his wife with news he might not have been sure you could handle, or he was looking for the right time to present it. And this man still wants to be your husband. I don't think we are getting the whole story here. Seems a lot more like rationalization then heart felt beliefs or convictions. Are you trying to demonize him to justify your actions? Something seems very distorted with this whole story.

If you are in charge of your body enough to withold sex from your husband, then why weren't you in charge of your body enough and talk to the doctor personally to find out about your sterility? It almost seems that perhaps your husband withheld the truth from you because that is the only way you'd let him touch you...

My counseling days are over as are my days of taking Prozac and being lied to. Loving someone else does not have to be a sexual thing. I could adopt a child or adopt a pet and love them as anyone would and be the person I was meant to be without having some man molest me and use me for his own needs and not care about how I flet or my needs.

Your words ... "guess I am basically using him to get to a place in my life where I can support myself and perhaps find someone I could actually love."<br />
Doesn't sound like you believe you shouldn't have sex unless you are procreating since now that you know you can't conceive, you admit you are looking to find someone you could actually love... <br />
You are only human and feel the emotions of not wanting to have sex with your present husband... however ... you sound very BITTER AND ANGRY that your husband was untruthful once he knew, and didn't tell you. Then he continued to have sex with you under the guise that he was trying to impregnate you. <br />
Suggest you seek a counselor who can help you!

You're right I don't know what ************ is but I do need my husband's income to get me through school and I figure the arrangement is fair. He used me for many years to be step-mother to his sons and now I just want to finish school and have my own life away from him.

i don't want to be a jerk, but unless you told him that you only believe in sex for procreation, you lied to him as well when you married him.<br />
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of course, that doesn't excuse his lying to you at all, but it should add some perspective to the situation. i would argue that allowing him to believe that what you had was a romantic relationship was as cruel as what he did to you. sex, physical intimacy, and affection are as important to some people in a relationship as children are, and you both basically lied to each other about what the relationship was about. <br />
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good luck to you. i hope you find a situation that works for you.

I just need him to support me for one more year as I go to college and get my degree. He wants us to work it out but I just want to get a decent job and move on to living the life I want to. He's a decent person but I just can't love someone that would lie to me by not telling the truth about my being sterile. The therapist he took me to insist that since he said nothing to me it wasn't so much a lie but yet he let meget my hopes up high and then watched me crash and burn month after month. That is not love that was cruel. I am now just doing what I can to get a education and get away from this monster.

It's a shame you feel this way about sex, about it being something people submit to... Sex is a great joy, and it's so sad that you've never come to see it as such.<br />
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If you are ready to divorce then do so, and set you and your husband free from each other.<br />
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I feel sorry for you.

Since you admit you are basically using him for convience, I hope you've given him the go ahead to fill his sexual needs elsewhere. I also hope you've been honest with him about your intentions and why you are in the marriage.

did you tell your husband upfront that you only believe in sex for procreation? no one on here is advocating that people should be forced to do what they have a deep aversion too. however, looking at it from the other side, by rejecting your partner over and over you are also making that choice for him, which is fine if you are getting a divorce. perhaps, if he wants to work it out you should stress to him that you have no interest in a sexual relationship. it's best to be honest and upfront with these things.<br />
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my partner does not need sex, but she makes an effort on my behalf (hopefully it will get better). there are a lot of things that i do, and do happily, for her that i don't necessarily want to, so i fail to see why some people want to draw such a harsh line in the sand when it comes to sex. many of us on the other side of this don't have unrealistic expectations, we're working towards an acceptable compromise between what we need and what our partners need.

No. I didn't know I was sterile until 7 years ago. I spent several years trying to get pregnant and my husband lied to me about what my doctor told him after I had a surgery to remove fibroid tumors. <br />
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I lived for many years month after month getting periods and thinking next month I'll be pregnant. My husband never told me the truth. Then when the doctor told me my husband drug me to dozens of therapists and to church trying to keep me from leaving him.

You only believe in sex for procreation and you are sterile . . . ? Were you sterile before you married? I am trying to understand why you are married.<br />
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Did you hope to have a child then found out it wasn't to be?? <br />
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I guess I'm very puzzled as to why you married your husband feeling as you do about sex. Or maybe you only feel like this about sex with him??<br />
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Please help me understand . . .

Why did you marry him to begin with?

Unfortunately I am in this marriage due to financial reasons right now and illness I am recovering from a surgery and I need a place to stay until I can go back to work. My husband and I split up last September and I was okay with it but now I have to live with him and he wants to work it out. I don't. I guess I am basically using him to get to a place in my life where I can support myself and perhaps find someone I could actually love.

Not for me it isn't. The only thing I want to show my husband is the door and divorce papers.

It is soooo much more than that and meant to be. It is a way to show your partner a very deep close intimate love.