My wife and I have had sex about 40 times in the last 10 years.  Now that may seem like a lot to some, but loveless, sex without passion or intimacy is shallow and hollow.

Fast forward to 8 weeks ago.  I get an email from my high school girlfriend.  We broke up after I left for college and we lost touch and I haven't seen or heard from her in 20 years!  She is divorcing her husband of 14 years and has moved back to town.  We start catching up, its real light, we find our lives have been eerily similar, right down to our spouses and the problems we had been having.

As we are catching up, our feelings for each other start to come out.  We are more open with each other, I feel more passion with her than I have ever felt before, and her feelings are mutual.  Our calls and emails have been intensifying, and now we have an opportunity to get away this weekend, just the two of us.  If all goes well, and these feelings are real, not just sex, I plan on leaving my wife and moving in with her.  I have been so unhappy for so many years, I am not leaving because of her.  I have planned on leaving after our daughter (9th grade) graduated and left for college.  If I do leave my wife now, it won't be because of my HS girlfriend, but the timing of me leaving WILL be because of her. 

I know this is wrong on so many levels, but it feels so right!  So how can it be wrong?  What are your feelings? 


jumpship jumpship
7 Responses Feb 23, 2009

You should have divorced your wife beforehand. Now you are just being a loser and cheater. If you go into this other relationship then one day what will keep you from cheating on her if you are unhappy again?


I strongly recommend that book too, the one that Kungfuchic talked about, When Good People Have Affairs, by Mira Kirschenbaum.<br />
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I'm reading it for the second time right now and I bought a copy for my sweet friend, who is going through a divorce after 21 years, 14 pretty good years, five years of no sex and two years of affairs.<br />
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Your high school sweetheart will thank you, by the way. She'll guide you yes, from her own experiences, the good and the bad but this book forces you to ask difficult questions, which ultimately, may make your decision ever easier.<br />
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As to how it can feel so right and yet should be so wrong, well, many of us are in the same boat, jumpship. Just look before you jump . . . Lol.<br />
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Enjoy your weekend and good luck.

I wish you the very best of luck and I feel you have every chance of happiness. My sister had exactly this same scenario - very unhappy after 25 years of marriage; met up with first ever boyfriend again; sparks in both directions.<br />
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She agonised over the situation; decided to leave her husband (many many reasons - new man was only the catalyst) and is incredibly happy. The two of them (sister and new man) are in 7th Heaven.<br />
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Now, more than a year later, she has found out that her husband was having a long term affair on the side for 15 years which is why he never tried to make their marriage work.<br />
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Every story is different - but this could be the start of a happy life for you. Every best wish.

On the surface it seems like a great solution for two very unhappy people.<br />
Tread Lightly Here ~~ emotions can play havoc with the brain. I have reunited with my former lover after 30 years and know first hand that the romance and desire can be rekindled. Personally, we have decided not to resume a sexual relationship at this point in time.<br />
Everybody's story is different and I cannot comment on how you should or should not feel. Feelings are very powerful, especially in times of sexual drought over years.<br />
You say you know it's so wrong .. but feels so right.<br />
Please consider seeking counseling before jumping from the frying pan into the fire as they say ... people do change and a telephone flirtation can be magical and sensual. However, real life consists of hard cold facts that have to be resolved before you can abandon yourself to the Happily Ever After .. a place where we all hope to land.<br />
Blessings and good wishes for a healthy outcome.

Read the book, WHY GOOD PEOPLE HAVE AFFAIRS. It will give you a very logical and insightful perspective.<br />
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Good luck to you.

only you know what is right or wrong in your situation. good luck to you, and i hope your find happiness.