Ain't Life Grand

Love, intimacy, and sex are interrelated in a marriage.  From a male's perspective, when it's all working, life is grand and nothing seems impossible, but when any piece (or combination thereof) is missing, life's just not too much fun.

There is a lot of interesting back and forth in these stories, but I'm not sure the general case is being described.  Plain and simply, if you're a man in a sexless marriage, you are probably effected by the following:

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=93856

Pretty high percentages described there.

As for the reasons why, they've yet to be discovered.  If I were a betting man, I'd have to say the following play a role:

1) Women live incredibly hard lives (eg: home care, work, kid care, aging parent care, child schooling, child religion, etc). Something has got to go to the bottom of the queue.

2) Most cultures' insistence and training that females not be sexual. I would think that it's incredibly hard to be told during your impressionable years to "not" and then be expected to be a "**** star" after marriage.

What a sad state of affairs. To be without sexual intimacy/pleasure really sucks. It's a wonderful gift that we humans have been given.  In light of the study, I'd have to say that there are quite a few of us in the same place.  I wish I knew of a solution, but as time goes by, I am more inclined to believe it's just the way nature and society intend it to be.

maybelate maybelate
46-50
4 Responses Feb 23, 2009

Couldn't post response last evening. Is anyone still interested, or do these threads die and become forgotten about?

Zorbas,<br />
If it makes you feel any better, my 74 year parents <br />
(and I am 37 and their first child born of twins, their only children ) was not taught that at all. All they ever said was to have sex with somebody you loved and respected. Marriage was never discussed. I loved that. They never mentioned religion or anything other than respect yourself and make sure you are protected. Then again, they are from Sweden so they are pretty relaxed on things but still great to hear from them, from their generation.

Your comments are well stated and I must agree with both points as described. Women of my generation with few exceptions were raised in strict, religious homes and exposure to anything remotely of a sexual nature was frowned upon.<br />
<br />
Sex before marriage was considered abhorrent behavior and little thought was given to the sexual feelings of women. Consequently they were forced to suppress any sexual desires under the illusion that sex was dirty and only for procreation. The propagation of the original sin mythology, if you will..<br />
<br />
There is no surprise that the 60s blew in a new and welcome air of sexual freedoms. These in some ways carried to an extreme. That didn't however, change those whose roots ran deep in the old teachings.<br />
<br />
I am afraid that in some quarters and in some marriages even today this credo still takes its toll. It is I think used in more instances more as an excuse than embracing a tenet. <br />
<br />
You are again right that a life without sexual intimacy is no life at all.<br />
<br />
Thank you for your comments.

Your story is interesting and I plan to look up the website you suggest.<br />
<br />
Do you have any insights to share as to why men do not want sex with their wives? It is interesting to have a male perspective on this issue.