20 Years

For 20 years I believed. I would defend all he did to hurt and make excuses for him. Helped him with his heroine addiction, waited for him to get "better". thought when he was off drugs would be more affectionate again. I mean we had really good sex before the drugs. Then my much younger boss started hitting on me. Do you have any idea what it is like to spend all day with a young man begging for your attention and go home to a man that you are supporting sleeping in bed and refusing to touch you? 4 years we had no "real" sex. 1 year I hadnt even pleasured myself as the desire just died as sex became a painful memory, instead of feeling sexy I felt numb. Then 10 days before my 20th anniverisary my boss is in my office telling me how he wouldnt destroy my family he just wanted to give me pleasure. I laughed him off, went home and dreamt of him. I told him about the dream and he was like kid in a candy store, excitedly jumping around asking me to tell more. I was drunk on attention that I had not EVER experienced. I agreed, to met him 3 days later. Before I did I tried to come on to my husband, he pushed me away and compared me to a cat in heat. I can still feel a stab in my heart as I recall the words coming from his lips that used to profess love to me. So I expected a horrible experience of being with another man, OMG, my boss was amazing, too amazing. He woke me up, and turned my world upside down. He changed my perspective on things. I took off the rose-tinted hindsight glasses of glossing over what a jerk my hubby has been for 20 years. It also opened my eyes to seeing other men as sexual beings, I realize many dont understand, but for 20 years I never even thought of other as sexual creatures, I was completely devoted to my husband, even my dreams and fanatsies starred my husband, until the affair. Told my husband about affair, long story short, both me and boss fired, had sex for couple months with hubby then he straight up told me he doesnt want sex anymore. ok now what?

wykdbytch wykdbytch
41-45
2 Responses Feb 26, 2009

TinkerDilll is wise and compassionate and correct!<br />
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Don't walk, RUN out of that marriage. And find happiness - we all deserve that...

Oh boy. Where to start? One do you even want to stay with him? I assume that he called your company and got you both fired. And BTW don't think he didn't realize you'd be more dependent on him if you were out of work.<br />
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You couldn't pay me enough to stay with a man who treated me like that. I don't know that you could even contact your old boss, as much as you might like to. He didn't plan on ruining your life, but by telling your husband (and you need to ask yourself what you thought THAT would accomplish) you've certainly upset the life of a man who obviously cared about you. Find a therapist and GO. Get some self esteem and get out.