Ain't Life Grand - Part II

A number of days ago, I posted a story entitled "Ain't Life Grand."
In it, I referenced a recently completed Harvard study on female
sexual dysfunction and how I think it relates to sexless marriages.
In the comments that followed, there was a question and a number of
statements relative to my post.  The following is my response.

In regard to women whose husbands are sexless, I'm truly at a loss.
Although I'm sure it exists, it seems to me this phenomenon is like a
unicorn or hen's teeth...very very rare indeed.  As a completely ad
hoc, uneducated, shot in the dark guess guess, I'd venture to say that
these men either get sexual intimacy elsewhere, suffer from
physical/mental problems, or are no longer physically attracted to
their wives.  Again, I'm not among this group of men and have never
encountered any, thus anything I say on the topic is completely
without merit.

Concerning the more general topic of sexless married relationships,
there were a number of comments made relative to my post and
subsequent stories that encouraged the following thoughts:

In my last story, I made the following statement:

(1) Women are overworked and sex goes to the bottom of their long list
of responsibilities.

One woman responded that she'd rather have cleaning fall to the
bottom.  From a man's perspective, that seems like the most rational
response.  In other words, sex is an escape from life's drudgery and
is a much better alternative than all others.  Yet, there are women
who still put it on the bottom or remove it altogether.  This, I
believe, relates to my second statement from my last post:

(2) Society frowns upon women being sexual beings.

To illustrate my point, please allow me the following:

Society tells women to "not" during their impressionable years.  It
calls them ***** and ****** once they're on their own and can make
their own choices.  It continuously tells them they don't look good
enough (witness some women who don't want their husbands to see them
naked anymore). I believe only the very strong, or the extremely
rebellious, can surmount these obstacles.  Those who manage to rise
above them, still are negatively effected.  What to I mean?  How many
women depend on their partner for their sexual gratification?  I
understand that this is a provocative statement, but humans are
responsible for their own emotions.  Although at times hard, we have
the power to overcome or create any desired emotion.  We can always
get what we desire if we set our mind right.  In other words, we need
to fulfill our own needs in any given situation.  In a physical
relationship, we need to take (or encourage others to give us) what we
need.  Men understand this, are allowed/encouraged to, and do this all
the time.  Many women can't (or won't), yet blame it on something that
their partner did or didn't do.  I'm reasonably sure that this relates
to (2) above.  Not to put too fine a point on all of this, please
indulge me just a bit more.

Society does not frown upon women eating/liking chocolate cake.  I
know of many women who will hunt it out, get what they need/desire,
and scarf it down.  From the perspective of the pleasure centers of
the brain, there's not a lot of difference between the joy brought
about by sex or the cake...society is the difference.  This really
really sucks for the effected women and the men they marry.

Just my $0.02

maybelate maybelate
3 Responses Feb 26, 2009

Maybelate, you certainly weren't offensive - sorry if I implied that in any way. I figure all of us are trying to make sense of something beyond our understandig - so I applaud your attempts.<br />
<br />
much of what you said I totally agreed with - just those two points of difference above. And I'm only speaking of my experience - I just WISH that there were fewer men in this situation - and / or, one of them was NOT mine!! lol!!

Sorry folks, I didn't mean to be offensive. Only proposing best guess theories. looking for constructive feedback, and alternative theories to try and make sense of this bizaro world I've wound up in.

Certainly some of your conclusions sound logical but I can't help feeling there are MANY women who fall outside your generalisations. I'm 57 - I was a sizties teenager - in my early twenties in the early seventies. I grew up at a time when "love" certainly was "free". I know I'm not alone in my age group for feeling sexually liberated and not hung up on the various conventions society imposes on women about sex.<br />
<br />
As for me, there are thousands of them!! Believe me - you just haven't had contact with them!!