I Never Thought It Would Be Like This

I love my husband, When I see him, he still makes my knees shake. He is a fantastic lover, my best friend, the sexiest guy I've ever seen. I love him, he loves me. Normal, right? We don't have sex. I love sex, I  love being with him, and he says he loves being with me, but once a month isn't doing it for me anymore, I am a sexual creature, that is, I feel lovemaking as a wonderful retreat where just my husband and I can be intimate and laugh and leave our worris behind.  I miss him. I have told him recently that although every other aspect ogf our marriage is fantastic, I want to cheat on him. But only for sex, because I crave to have a man make love to me. I only wish it was with my husband. I know that if I go down that road, we may never be the same, and know matter how much we "talk" it never changes. I usually cry myself to sleep. I can't tell my friends, the love of my life won't touch me. He is not gay, already explored that idea, he says that he thinks I am very sexy, that I turn him on, I don't know what to do, and I have no one to talk to about this. I just feel like a drone. And the sad part is, I am starting to resent him for it. I am so scared that this one deficit in our marriage will destroy us. Now mind you I have tried everything, all of his friends think i am the best wife, and all my friends think we have this fabulous marriage, because he is younger than me they also think our sexlife is out of this world. They think I'm so lucky..... Is anyone out there that has any advice......I'd be greatful. 

ohmydarling ohmydarling
31-35, F
5 Responses Aug 13, 2007

visit MyPartnerAndI and get him to do the "30 days to better sex"

It's incredible and at the same time scary that so many of us are going through the same situation. I understand you. when my husband and I started dating, we would have the greatest sex ever. but after some time, that part of our lives just seemed to disappear. Only once every month and a half. how bad is that?! like you said, I wish it were more often and more passionate, like it used to be. and I too, have cried myself to sleep numerous times, wondering, criticizing myself, missing those wonderful days in the past. but what can we do? We've approached the situation, but nothing good has come out from it. I too told him I missed him in that aspect. and like you said, 99% of our relationship is great. except for our sex life and his mother.<br />
It's funny how other people (friends) think I have this incredible sex life... <br />
<br />
I agree with you completely....

I understand how you feel, I am in the same predicament. What does he do when you approach him for sex? Does he straight out reject you or do you not approach him? Everyone seems to think therapy is the answer but getting most men to therapy is like cracking cement with a cotton ball...

Sadly, there is no easy answer. But therapy certainly helped me understand the reasons I got into this relationship and why I continue to stay . I've learned that you can't force someone else to go to therapy, or to change. Continuing to try to change the other is codependent behaviour and will get you nowhere. I know, because I did that for many many years. I have finally given up the idea that he is ever going to change, and am trying to get myself strong enough to own the responsibility for my own happiness (ie. get out of this relationship). That is really the only way I am going to be happy.

Cheating, it's the ultimate temptation.<br />
But what happens? Say you cheat and its the worst sex you ever had? How would you feel? Or say it was the greatest sex ever, could you live with that. Or maybe the worst of all, it was about ok? You threw away your self worth for an about ok screw????

a lot of us are3 in the same situation. Need more info though if you really want some sound advice. what is holding him back?