Accepting the Facts of My Life.

I know my husband doesn't love me. 

I know he is no longer sexually attracted to me, and there is nothing I can do or say to change it.  

I woke up around  5:00 a.m. New Years day and the first thing that came to my mind was "I can't keep living my life like this."  At that point, he hadn't made any attempts to have sex, kiss, hug or anything in well over a year.  I looked over at him as he slept with his back turned towards me trying to decide if that moment was the right time to wake him up and tell him that I wanted out of the marriage.  But I decided not to do that.  I made up my mind that morning that I was going to just quietly prepare for my exit from the marriage.  As I lay there thinking and making mental notes, he stirs.  All of a sudden he just turns over and climbs on top of me and attempts to jab himself into me.  WTF?!!  I pushed him away and looked him dead in the eye and told him that I wasn't that desperate and got out of the bed.   He looked at me with the most stupid expression I've ever seen on his face. 

So, that was the day I knew I had to stop trying to figure out why my husband doesn't want me anymore.  I don't need to know why anymore.  The mere fact that he doesn't hurts enough, and quite frankly I'm tired of the pain.  I'm tired of feeling like I've been thrown away.

CJackson CJackson
41-45, F
5 Responses Feb 26, 2009

You know I didn't realize just how many people live in a loveless marriage. I thought maybe it was just me and a few others. WHY is this happening to so many people? Too much stress. Too much work to gather material items. Too much expectations exploited upon us by how peachy things look on the tube, we have all grown up watching. I really think it is a lot of the above, but for sure it is one over all thing. WE Have Stopped Communicating with the people we say we love. Now how to we attempt to remedy this. I think it can be done, I am just not sure where to begin.

I know exactly what you mean. I helped her 91 year old father sort his house out after new windows had been fitted the other night (she came along very late in her parents life). When we arrived home she said to me "I dont know how to repay you, I know I'll let you have sex"!! Despite being about to blow a gasket if I dont have sex soon, I declined her offer.<br />
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I too feel thrown away, I'm going to waste, and what a waste of good sex.

I feel your pain. It hurts so much to not have that friend and lover you started your marriage with.

There was a time in my marriage where it didn't matter who initiated it. We both loved it and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. Then I began to notice that I was the only one initiating sex, but it didn't bother me because at that point he wasn't refusing and it was good for both of us. It was when he started sleeping on the couch most nights that the trouble started. He always said he was restless and didn't to keep me up. That's when things fell apart. I'd ask him to come to bed and he would say when the game went off or whatever it was he was watching. But I'd wake up the next morning in bed alone....and he'd be gone to work already. Then the other excuses started....tired, toothache, headache..yada yada yada. After many times of being rejected and him looking at me asking what was wrong with me....I stopped trying. We've never been to counselling, never even discussed it. he doesn't think there is anything wrong. I think he thinks he can make up for it by giving me things like this brand new notebook comouter I got for Christmas, or the new blackberry I got for Valentines Day. if I even look at something at the mall he's asking if I want it. I'd give all that stuff back if I could have my man back. I have alot of resentment towards him. I might even still love him deep down, but I'm so damn angry right now it's kinda of hard to tell. I used to look at him and think to myself...damn he's sexy. But now, I look at him and wish he'd just tell me he doesn't love me and move the hell out!

This is a huge action on your part. I would make sure that I have exhausted all ways to make your marriage work. Have you ever tried counseling? What does your husband do when you initialize sex? Does you husband know how you feel? I know the frustration you feel. I feel it to. The cumulative rejections can be difficult to tolerate. <br />
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I wish you well on any decision you choose.