Anniverary Time...i'm Stuck

Hey EPers

I've been married for 19 years and my anniversary is Tuesday. The first 13-14 years were wonderful. The last 5 years have been almost completely lacking of emotion and sex which I've already whined about in previous stories so I won't bore you with more.

My issue now is that it is our anniversary and I feel obligated to get her a gift. The problem is, I am so numb at this point that I have no idea, let alone desire to get her a gift. However, if I don't, I will be jabbed incessantly as to why. At this point, I don't want to rock the boat with my relationship for the kids sake. I want to maintain the relative "apparent" bliss until the kids are out of the house. It only a few more years. I can make it.

I am writing to find out if anyone in a similar relationship has been in this situation and how you took care of it. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I used to love buying her gifts. lately she wears none of the jewelry I buy her and that is getting too expensive to pursue. I've even taken one of her best friends to the jewelry store before and she helped me get something. My wife still doesn't wear it. So jewelry is out. Can't buy her clothes. She's too picky about that. Would a gift card be too callous?

Again, any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

BooshWooten BooshWooten
41-45
5 Responses Feb 27, 2009

Sad it comes down to this. What do you get for your birthday from your wife and kids? That might put you on the right track.<br><br />
Just give her what she gives you, (no ... not grief!) along the same lines .. ask your kids if they are old enuf, what they think she would like .. kids sometimes know more than we give them credit for .. and let the kids know you respect their mother for being who she is to them, but you can avoid being a phoney .. the kids will pick it up.<br><br />
Hope you get through this

How about a really, plush comfortable bathrobe ... and maybe some bath salts or a good book to go along with it. Caring for her needs but not luxurious / passionate or overly romantic.

My anniversary was February 14th and I was truly hoping he would just forget. I just lost 25 pounds so chocolates for a hallmark holiday and a sham of a marriage was just wrong. If you want to give her something how about a evening out away from the kids and a day at the spa.

Flowers and make sure they're something you like too.

Same deal I had this year, only in my case it was Valentines, and perhaps the only time this year she would be looking for 'love'.<br />
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I gave in. Wasn't worth the confrontation. You are right, it is just a few more years, right? Besides, I could always start my 'strike' afterwards.<br />
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Of course, this may be why she hasn't fully realized that I am not going to accept the status quo, since I keep accepting the status quo...