Wife Unable, Husbands Still Wants.

   My wife is severely disabled.  She suffers for an uncurable degenerative disease, which ended our already diminishing sexual activity five years ago.  Her disease has greatly weakened her and extinguished her interest in sex.  We did try once a year ago, but she was physically unable to do it. 

   I am my wife's caregiver.  I do everything for her, as she is confined to a wheelchair.  I am a fit man in my late 60s.  I still feel the sexual urge.  A part of my manhood has been taken from me.  What am I to do?  Accept the end of my sex life?  How? 

KKpaw KKpaw
66-70, M
3 Responses Feb 28, 2009

Well, we've been married for over 30 years, so if I've been able to suffer this deprivation for periods of up to a year before, I suppose I can wait this out. Who wants to be compared to John Edwards anyway. <br />
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You asked "Why now?" Because it's been a long, long time since our last intimacy and it will be, probably, several years before her cancer runs its course and I will have satisfied the "til death do us part" portion of the marriage contract. It's not that I don't love her -- I do. But there is this incredible emptiness. She is, of course, focused on herself, her life, her feelings. For about 28 of these 30 years of marriage I've fooled myself thinking "maybe tonight's the night!" Only a fool would keep that up for 30 years! But now the fact of the matter is that no more opportunities will present themselves - ever - with her. That's my convoluted answer to "Why now?"

"But now ..." Why now? Stay with the vow you took. Remember "til death do us part"?

Well, I'm ten years younger and my wife, whom I love dearly, now has cancer. She is non-sexual anyway and there have been years when we were not intimate. But now..... I'd love to step out, but my God, if I was caught it would be the end. I guess this is the "for worse" part of the vows.