Doomed to a Passionless Marriage......

I am actually a newlywed as of this past year.  My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years now and our sexlife is miserable!  I hate to say that, but its true.  We have sex--out of an obligation that we should (we are newly weds afterall) once about every 3 months.  My husband has a high stress job; but this has been going on long before that. 

You might ask, why did you get married?  We are best friends and are attracted to each other (I think so at least).  I'm just not sure about the sexual aspect-I feel resentment about it toward him and it is only pushing me farther away.  He never initiates sex unless I tell him that I am bothered by it. 

At this point-I don't really want to have sex with him-I sort of do it because I think we should.  I feel very annoyed when I think about having sex with him.  Sometimes-I wish I could have sex with an old partner where there was real passion between us. 

I feel almost doomed in my marriage if something doesn't give,


paula30 paula30
26-30, F
6 Responses Feb 28, 2009

I have been married for 3 years (I'm 30) and our sex life dropped off dramatically after we got engaged. It has been this way for 4 years now, only have sex when I complain that we haven't had sex :/. He's my best friend and I love everything else about it, but I too find myself fantasizing about ex-boyfriends or my husband's friends. Not sure what to do?? Has anyone on here tried sex/couples therapy?

Paula,<br />
<br />
When I clicked on your story I thought that you were reading my mind. I too am a newlywed, and we've had sex maybe 5 times since we've been married. I ***** at him about his lack of initiation, but not because I have this strong desire to have sex, but because I feel like we should be having more sex. I'm only 27 and can't imagine spending the rest of my life like this.

Paula, please do whatever you can to improve things - but set a time limit on it. You are young and you deserve a TRUE marriage. For whatever reason, your husband's needs and your's are a mismatch. If things can't / don't improve in say 6-12 months, please consider leaving.<br />
<br />
I too love my husband dearly, but after nearly 13 years of no sex, I know it will never happen again. Please don't find yourself in my situation in a few years time.<br />
<br />
You deserve SO much better.<br />
<br />
Every best wish.

Sorry 2 here your missfortion . I 2 live in a sexless marriage 4 7 years !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry you are having to go through this Paula. I've been going through the same thing for quite some time, and I have to tell you.....I've had just about all I can take. Just know that you are not alone.....all of us on EP know and share your pain.<br />
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God Bless.

paula, i'm a man in an almost exactly similar situation. my partner has a high stress job, she was never all that interested in sex, but we've been together for so long and we're such good friends -- lately my sexual desire for her is all but gone, but we still have sex every so often out of obligation. she never, ever initiates, and never has (not once, not ever -- one of my great regrets in life is never feeling sexually desired by someone). sorry that you are in this situation. good luck to you.