Thank Goodness

Thank Goodness there are other people saying they're frightened and it's really difficult to leave. It is hideous that there are so many other people in this awful situation, but reading various posts has helped me to feel a little bit better about the fact that I'm not leaving, when I know full well I ought to.

My partner and I are not married and have no children but we do live together. It's my house and I can't afford to live here on my own - if I asked him to leave I'd have to buy more furniture (which I sold when he moved in and will take his furniture with him) and get a new flatmate - but I don't think I'd want to live here anymore after he is gone, because my heart would be broken. I can't sell it because it's in negative equity.

These problems make me scared to leave, and scared to give an ultimatum in case he calls my bluff. Actually, in addition, I really love him, and want to mend things, but I'm really not sure whether he does or not. I have some issues of my own that I need to work on, so I'm going to try and summon up the courage to see a counsellor. Eventually I would like him to come too so that we can try and talk through things together, but I'm not sure how to broach the subject with him.

We've talked many times and I feel as though we are having the same conversation over and over. He won't actually tell me what's wrong, and promises to "make more effort" but then nothing changes. I can't help feeling that it shouldn't have to be an effort, but I suspect he has some emotional problems which are due to him being abused as a child (domestic violence - not sexually as far as I know) and I don't want to push him or make him feel that it's his fault. But something needs to change!!

mnemonica mnemonica
3 Responses Feb 28, 2009

Go to therapy & work on yourself. You don't need to decide to make a life change this minute. You can also discuss the issue of lack of sex in your marriage with someone besides him.<br />
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Good luck

yeah, you should change and not want sex.<br />
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give me a break. your situation sounds similar to mine. good luck to you, you'll find a lot of sympathetic ears here who are always willing to listen and typically offer kind, understanding advice.

You say something needs to change. How about changing yourself? In therapy when I was drug to it by my husband. The therapist told us, you can control the situation or it can control you. Then she asked me how I was going to change and I said I wasn't. That was the end of therapy with her. The thing is a person has to want to change and you can't change him, only change yourself. GOod luck.