Menopause Killed My Libido

Once upon a time I had a strong sex drive and had lots of attention from men.  12 years ago I met my husband and we were very happily married (2nd time) and we shared a hot and energetic sexual relationship.  Then he got hurt and we had to take it easy for a few months, he got better and we didn't really get back to where we were.  A year later he got hurt again, same thing happened, we never really got back to where we were. 

Then menopause overtook my life, and I am a very different person!  I don't want sex, I love my husband and we are good friends, but I just don't want sex anymore.  He watches a lot of internet **** now, which I don't think is healthy, but I guess he has to do something to get excited.

I feel guilty about not having sex, but I don't know how to get back to feeling like having sex.  I don't feel sexual or attractive anymore, maybe the lack of hormones is the cause, but the doctors don't seem to know what to do to help.  I love my husband and want to make him happy, but I am not a faker and don't want to make the situation worse.

Any women out there with similar problems?

antiqueannie antiqueannie
51-55, F
5 Responses Feb 28, 2009

It's nice to hear that some women at least take into consideration how menopause affects the husband. We really want relationships to continue and grow. I wanted to say thank you for writing what you did.

Not a woman, and I'd really like to understand the feelings because it may be relevant for my situation.<br />
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You say "I just don't want sex anymore", and one of the comments says: "I don't feel guilty or bad for my lack of sexual interest for my husband. I accept myself for who I am and how I am. "<br />
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Now, I understand no-one's broken here or anything, but even if I wasn't in the slightest interested in sex, and intercourse was off the agenda, I'd still want to explore "other ways" of helping my partner get some satisfaction. What on earth does "just" mean - it may not be just for your partner! You say you feel guilty and want to make him happy - does he expect you to show passion that isn't there or something? Is there something that makes helping him out in other ways that diffcult or impossible to do?

I'm going through the same experience. I don't know what to do. I've lost interest in sex, my husband is a handsome well built, nice guy, it isn't him, it's me. It started in my late 40's, I'm hoping my libido comes back. I don't know what to do. My doctor recommended herbs, that didn't help at all. I can't expect him to never have sex again.

Thanks for your ideas. I did try the testosterone gel but it didn't seem to make any difference. I stopped after 3 months, would it take longer than that? No doctor seems to take me seriously, even the woman NP I see for a Gyn.<br />
I do take HRT low doses to control the menopause symptoms like hot flashes, not sleeping and night sweats but do plan to stop that soon. It is risky. I am so frustrated, I don't know who to turn to!

I just had a Total Hysterectomy. I quit sex 7 years ago. I don't feel guilty or bad for my lack of sexual interest for my husband. I accept myself for who I am and how I am. <br />
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Strangely after having the Hysterectomy I find myself daydreaming more about sex and having it.