Ok here is one for the group. Recently I posted an add on local craigslist seeking to talk with local females about living in a passionless marriage. I have met several ladies. Some truly sad stories from
a couple of them.

But I made contact with a woman that is a sexual being. A polar opposite of my wife. We have become friends and she loves to tempt and tease me. And I love it. We have not met, and am not sure we will. But that is irrelevant.
Now this lady is stunning, she is loyal to her husband, and wants sex all the time. I know we can only dream of such people.
She told me today her husband told her this weekend that he cheated on her 2 months ago. I feel so bad for her and so angry at her husband. Seriously they have a really good life, a beautiful, sexy wife that loves him. And he still wants strange.
He has no idea what kind of fool he has been.
Opinions please.
Genertaylori Genertaylori
51-55, M
12 Responses Aug 18, 2014

To respond to a number of questions and comments.
First, I posted the request on the Strictly Platonic section of the site. I stated that i was not looking for anything sexual, and was only hoping to talk to someone that was in a similar situation.

I made this posting because to be quite honest, I don't see a whole lot of personal level communication within this group. Mostly people telling people what they should do and or how they are wrong. Don't get me wrong I have learned a lot from some members of this group. But others appear to be here only to straighten somebody else out. I wanted to communicate with someone on a one to one level.

Have I met this person. No I have not. And I really don't care if I do or do not. The lady I talked about has been a kind and decent person to me. She is very open and does not hesitate to give me her opinion of my issues. I have seen photos of her and she of me. Could she be a poser, yes it is possible. I don't think she is an am not worried about it in any way. See, here is the deal. I have made a friend. I am happy with that. Was I seeking a secret lover no. I can do that on AshleyMadison or some other website where everyone knows what they are there for.

By the way, if talking to someone about your problems is "cheating" then everyone on this website is guilty of "cheating".

I was simply amazed that a man would cheat on a kind, loving, beautiful, loyal, sexy wife. People never know what they have until they have lost it. Ask my first wife.

You are amazed that a man would cheat on a kind, loving, beautiful, etc. wife? That happens to movie stars and models all of the time.

You have no idea if you're talking to whom you think you're talking to. She could have sent you someone else's pictures. Her whole story could be a fake.

As for considering her to be a real friend, how can she be a real friend when more than likely you don't even know her name?

Are you capable of any positive comment or remark? If you feel the need to call someone stupid please do so.

But I have to tell you that you have not broached a single idea that I have not reviewed in my head weeks ago. Sorry but you have provided no help to me at all. Not everyone posting on this site is a moron. Stop treating them that way.

Must admit that my short initial response was actually based on what relevance the substance of the story had to this group.
There's a chick on the net. There's you. She's in a shithole. Presumably so are you. Her husband is a refuser. Presumably your missus is too. She's cheating irl and on the net. You just on the net. You form a view that her husband is a fool.
So ?

Could be a lead in to one of those scams where one gets caught by one's mistress's husband who then blackmails you.

No matter how hot a woman is, someone is tired of ******* her.


Of course you think her husband is a fool. You are in a weakened state.

That reminds me of the joke about the sexy movie starlet...a million guys dream about her and at least one guy is sick of her ****. :)

Opinions on 3rd parties based on heresay ?
What would be the point ?
Everyone involved could be talking complete bullshit, and probably are.
Tread your own path.

I have to agree with the members telling you to tread carefully. How much time have you had with this woman? Are you a really great judge of character? I used to think I was until I hired a guy that eventually broke into and robbed my business. Maybe it's time to dial it back a notch or two on the emotional connection you are making with this person.

“I made contact with a woman that is a sexual being.”
Please explain how this is qualitatively different from the vast majority of women.

“she loves to tempt and tease me” vs “she is loyal to her husband”

Incongruent. If she flirts with you she is not loyal to her husband. Period.

“we can only dream of such people” vs “I made contact with a woman… A polar opposite of my wife”

Incongruent. Moreover please remove me from the collective; I do not dream about women who advertises on Craig List.

“We have not met” vs “a beautiful, sexy wife”

A qualitative statement that may need to be substantiated further; I disagree with you, a meeting is relevant if nothing else to establish the veracity of some of the claims she has made and to confirm your impression of her.

Just a thought, without meeting, how do you know that this beautiful, sexy and fiercely loyal woman who teases you is not, in reality, a middle age, unemployed, slightly pudgy man, with latent homosexual fantasies, living with his parents who is having some fun with you?

If there is a chance that this person if your dream woman and she may be considering leaving her husband because of his chromic infidelity I think you could consider meeting her before another sexual being sweeps her away.

Good luck

Yep. I have used CL a number of times in the past few years. There appears to be a large number of people - often gay men - who fetishize participating in online natter with other men, often teasing them. Eventually, I started asking them to post a pic of themselves with a toothbrush in their mouth. Everyone has a toothbrush, right?

The trick is not to ask for the toothbrush until after you have the face pic. THEN ask for the toothbrush, or a butterknife, or holding a bar of soap.

It's not easy taking the moral high-ground in a land of quicksand

Dont be too quick to judge, especially when forming relationships on the internet.

Ever seen the US Show Catfish?

Stay Strong & Good Luck

You have no idea about how honest the woman is or how faithful the woman has been to her husband. Her marriage could be passionless because she is a serial cheater or has caused other problems in her marriage. She also could be someone who ends up stalking you or calling your wife.

It depends on what vows you took. My husband and I took civil vows. We made no promise in the beginning to satisfy every single intellectual, emotional, and physical need.

I suggest you speak with your spouse honestly about your thoughts on marriage and intimacy prior to speaking with anyone else. She at least deserves that. If you can come to agreement on who you may contact and what kinds of behaviors are acceptable to you both, then you can freely have conversations with others on a deep level.

If that behavior is prohibited in your marriage, then that activity would be a form of adultery, don't you think? And then you would have to think about the effects of adultery on your conscience, and your wife's reaction when she finds out. It's complicated, but couples eventually need to talk and agree on certain things, or part ways.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.....is it not ???

It appears that way, but the fence may get too large to jump back over.

Mmmm, and sometimes when you get to the "other side", you find the grass is artificial!

I presume that both of you are in sexless marriages. You possibly posted the ad in order to find sex partners to make up for being married to a woman who refuses to make love to you.

My opinion is that you and the woman you met are both being foolish to try to find extramarital sex partners instead of opting out of your sexless and probably intimacyless marriages where your sexual needs never will be met.

You are 100% right it is foolish. The encounter will not change my sexless marriage status. But I have decided that I can put up with the neglect, until my early teens can be mature enough to understand a divorce.
It is nice and easy to say "opt out" but when kids are involved, I will walk thru the gates of hell to keep from hurting them.
To quote Spock " the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one"

Having grown up in a household in which my parents had a sexless marriage, slept in different bedrooms, and treated each other with contempt, my belief is that it's better for children to live in a happy household with one parent than a cold war with 2. I was so miserable as a teen that I asked my parents to divorce, something that unfortunately they refused to do.

One reason that I ended up in a sexless, intimacyless marriage was that I had had no personal experience with how amazing it can be to be in a household filled with the warm of love and respect.

I don't think you're doing your children favors, Genertaylor.

And if your kids stumble upon the info that you're seeking affair partners, that will lower their trust and respect for you and your wife and for the institution of marriage and their own future romantic partners. When I was a young teen, I accidentally found evidence that my father cheated and that broke my heart and made it very difficult for me to trust people. Incidentally, I never told him that I found the evidence so more than likely he thought that his affairs were a secret from his family.

I understand and respect your opinion. I don't live in a house full of contempt. We get along fine
I all areas, we just don't have sex, because of her teenage kidnapping and rape.

You always seem to assume that all SM's are bereft of affection, and full of bickering and contempt. I can only say that in my case, it's not like that. Anyone who sees us thinks we have a great marriage. We rarely argue, we spend lots of family time together and are totally on the same page as far as parenting goes. We cuddle and hold hands and such, so I really believe we are providing a better home than if we separated. Every situation is different.

If you want sex, WestSiderWoman, and are married to a refuser, it's impossible for me to believe that the constant rejection isn't causing some anger, resentment and hurt in you that is palpable to outsiders including your kids.

Until very late in my marriage, my husband and I cuddled and held hands and I thought that our lack of a sex life was all that was amiss. When I began talking to friends about our lack of sex, however, I learned that my friends had long been considering my husband a narcissist who paid little attention to my feelings. When I divorced, I learned that my younger child -- by then an adult -- had never felt close to his father because although he and his dad spent lots of time together, his dad filled up the air space by talking incessantly about trivia my son had no interest in. My husband was there in body, but there was no connection.

Of course I resent him, but I guess I put up a good act. My friends think my husband is so nice and I am so lucky. :|

In any case, he appears to be trying to work on his issues - seeing a therapist, and reading books. He has a sponsor and went to a 12-step meeting. As long as he is trying to do the right thing, I want to give him a chance.

You know, I realize I resent him on so many levels; for withholding intimacy, for making me feel like it was my fault, for making me think it was OK, and taking away my self esteem. Now I've become the worst version of myself, fantasizing about affairs, when all I wanted was a stable, loving marriage.

My kids were nine and six when I pulled the pin and they understood just fine.

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