21 Years , I Still Love Her Even Though We Dont Hsave Sex

I have been married 21 years, like most everyone elses stories I have read, the frequency of our love making steadily declined. from a few times a week to once a week to twice a month to once a month and then for the longest time it was two times a year, and now it has been a year since i have been intimate with my wife. and its not just sex that is absent, its ANY form of intimacy. no hand holding no hugging no caressing and no kissing.

we have been having other problems with our marriage, and i have been trying over the years to attempt to fix them. Just recently I had a talk with my "wife" (wife is in quotations because i dont really feel as if she is my wife, she is more like a friend with no benefits) i told her i was unhappy and she said she would go to counselling , well we went to one session and she now refuses to go back saying she has no energy to do anything for our marriage. I asked her if i should leave and she said no.


So now I am living in Limbo. i walk around like a Zombie. I do not want to leave her. I absolutely love her. every day i battle with myself over whether or not I should keep trying. sometimes i tell myself that it is over and she will never give me the love I so desperately crave and then i think about how much I still love her and decide to go against logic and still cling on to the tiniest sliver of hope.


I just wish I could find a way to become indifferent, to stop loving her so i could detach myself and then not be affected by her depriving me of any and all affection.

Life sucks and then you die. while I am not suicidal and would never even contemplate offing myself, sometimes I welcome death so that this nightmare can finally end.


NotgetinNE NotgetinNE
3 Responses Mar 1, 2009

Sex is a high, it feels wonderful with the right person! Or, have you tried ************ yourself? We are all sexual creatures, naturally and we all deserve the simple pleasure of sexual release. You can do what you want in the privacy of your own home, so why not try? It can't hurt!

I can so relate to your wife as I have been married 20 years and detest being touched by my husband. I don't mind hugs from my family or friends but, the sexual tension I feel from my husband touch annoys me. I don't like his kissing me at all. I don't think at this time in life sexual contact has anything to offer me. My husband has requested that I do a ******* on him or oral but I work with my hands and I have to be careful with my wrists. As for oral I eat, breath, and drink with my mouth and that is definitely out of the question. My husband is 49 years old and a grandparent, you would think sexual interest would be something that would turn his stomache too. Please keep sharing with the group, I'm trying to learn why sex is so important.

she has no energy to do anything for our marriage. <br />
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Sadly I think you have your answer in that line. You can continue to live in your current marriage and know that it will not change. Or you can find the strength to end your marriage and seek a happier and better relationship with someone else.<br />
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When you love someone as much as you obviously love your wife, it will be very hard and painful to end your marriage. But you DO deserve happiness, and so does she. You just might find that with other people.<br />
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Before you go that route though, have you or your wife been checked out for clinical depression? It certainly sounds as if either (or both) of you might have this. If so, medications and therapy treatment can make a BIG difference for the better . . . .<br />
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Whatever you decide, just know you have my best wishes for a better future.