On the Fence

I live in a sexless marriage and I am so frustrated that I am seriously thinking of having an affair.  Not an affair really, just some good (hopefully) sex.  I asked my husband last week what the thought would happen if things didn't change.  I went on to say that I thought I would end up having an affair.  He said that he didn't want me to do that, yet still no affection, no intimacy. 

I become irrationally angry with him over little things now. I am snippy and annoyed.  I am an attractive woman.  I see how guys look at me.  This week alone I have had propositions from two different men that are 20 years younger than I am!  One is a standing offer for whenevery I am ready.  Well, damn, I am ready for some red hot sex!  I would rather it be with my husband though.  He acts like he is doing me a favor when we do have sex (twice last year, "Time for birthday sex!" or even better, when we are finished, he says, "We should do that more often."    Seriously, I want to rip his face off when he says that. 

I actually signed up for a website that specializes in discrete affairs for married people.  There are plenty of guys out there that would be more than willing to "scratch my itch" so to speak.  I don't want a divorce and I don't want to embarrass/humiliate/hurt my husband.  With the exception that I alternate between pissed off and warm fuzzy, we do actually get along very well and he is a great guy.  This is so confusing. 

So there it is. . . can I go out and have sex on the QT, bemuch less bitchy and enjoy the parts of my marriage that I can?  It really makes me mad that I am even backed into a corner where I am having to consider such a choice.  If I do this, I am the bad guy because I cheated on our wedding vows, but he doesn't see how he has failed in those vows on a daily basis by withholding intimacy?  GRRRRRRR

It is really hard to resist the temptation.  I really don't know what I am going to do. 

chcheck chcheck
46-50, F
7 Responses Mar 1, 2009

Wow. . . what a thought!

We're on the same fence. I see the way guys look at me too. It's the same way my husband used to look at me.

Thanks everyone for their support. When I wrote my rant yesterday, I thought it would go into cyberspace never to be seen again. I didn't really think anyone would read it. <br />
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For those of you who suggested that he may have a low sex drive, he doesn't have a problem ************ nearly every day with his favorite magazine.

It IS very frustrating when your mate does not do what you want him to do, but the first thing that comes to my mind is that perhaps it could be something physiological. The other thing is, have YOU initiated intimacy? I perform oral sex for my mate ocassionally and he loves it, but does not reciprocate in any way!Unlucky me, but it might work for you if you haven't already tried that.

Compared to the situation you are in now (and I am in a similar one), will you be happier knowing that you have done something about it and gotten the attention you deserve? Or will you be overwhelmed with guilt? I struggled with that question for a long time and then went out and did it. I did feel pretty weird around my wife for a day or two afterwords, but the weirdness quickly faded after that. Notice I did not call it guilt, because in that situation there is no reason for us to feel guilty. Overall, I am glad I did it and would again.

Dear on the fence,<br />
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I am member number 754 of close to 5000 of us. I have heard your story before. I have been in the same position as you. my only advice is to ask if you feel you can deal with it - things will change in your relationship to your husband - you will look at him in a different light.

I feel like asking you what that website is. I feel exactly the same.