Passion Is Not In His Vocabulary

I do live in a sexless common law marriage. I am a mature, sexy woman. I was married for a long time and had regular sex. then I got divorced and sowed my wild oats. I had many lovers and was constantly complemented on my sexual prowess, even as a larger woman. Then I met a widower who was still grieving for his wife, and I listened to him reminisce for many hours and sympathized. I became his best friend. He is an attractive man and we could have a wonderful sex life, but he prefers petite women which I am not. He wooed me at the beginning, but we never consumated our relationship. He tells me that if I lose weight, we will have sex. I can understand that to some degree, but in the meantime, some affection or compliments would sure be nice! I still feel sexy and have some other potential suitors, and he tells me to go out and enjoy, that I can do what I want! I prefer to remain monogamous. He says he only wants to be with me, and I always know where he is. How can I make him appreciate what he has with me and not want something I am not? I am trying to get in shape, but feel that if he loves me, he should accept me as I am. He won't even give me an inch! I am trying to get into shape, but there are many ways of making love and I just want some degree of passion in this relationship! Any suggestions would be appreciated!

Rumplestilskin Rumplestilskin
3 Responses Mar 1, 2009

He' not willing to totally accept you for who you are. If your weight is more important to him than your intellect, passion, femininity, character, sexuality, sense of humor - - the real you - - then he dosen't REALLY love you. My advice is to bail out. There are men out there who will accept you as you are - - the real you. I doubt if this guy will ever change. I don't see a happy committed relation ship coming from this guy. He's too stuck on himself.

well put bazzar,<br />
totally agree.<br />
get out rumper,<br />

"If you do X, then I'll do Y". Doesn't sound like much of a meeting of the minds rumplestilskin. Might be just 'sex' tho. I guess what I am trying to say is, that if he only finds you attractive if you are lighter, then he is paying no attention to your intellect, passion, femininity, character, sense of humor etc etc etc. All of which combine with your body to make great sex. And that might be ok with you, I dunno. It does seem to me that he is taking a very superficial view of this matter. If I was inclined to give advice - which I'm not - it'd be to bale out. There are genuine blokes about who would want to appreciate the full package of you, and bonk you silly right now, and when you are 10kg heavier than now, or 10kg lighter than now.