I am a sexual deviant.

So says my wife. Why? Because I desire sex 2 to 3 times per week. According to her, it is not natural. And forget about the need to cuddle and give her massages. According to her, she's been there, done that.

sojourner999 sojourner999
46-50, M
13 Responses Aug 18, 2014

Omg...... Does she realize you would give her more cuddles and massages if she would have sex with you? Geez.....I don't get it. Wanting sex 2-3 x a week doesn't qualify you as a sexual deviant. You want what should already be there.... What's there in a normal, healthy relationship.

She doe not want cuddles or massages. I tried pushing her to let me massage her shoulders while we talk and just cuddle on the couch.

She was very uncomfortable and after a few minutes, I would get "are we done yet?"

I have nothing she wants except financial resources for her to stay at home and raise our son.

After about 6 attempts where she was showing agitation and ending with "are we done yet?", I gave up trying.

Oh I misunderstood what you were saying . That's very sad that she avoids affection and intimacy. I know exactly how you feel my husband is the same way. I'm so sorry. (Hugs)

Hugs to you too.

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Your wife is a nincompoop and needs to unbunch her panties and get her hormones checked!

Nothing wrong with needing sex 2 to 3 times a week. I'd prefer it everyday.

So, hard to make things work in a marriage when sexual need is so, different.

Quoting here from your first story of Feb 19 2013 -
- "I have recently put my foot down and have given my spouse the right of first refusal (meaning that i told her that I would outsource if she kept refusing me)"
Did that plan ever get off the ground ?
Tread your own path.

Yes. I get passive aggressive reset/i
Don't want to loose the lifestyle/how can I dissuade this looser from trying to root me/f$sck he wants to play with my naughty bits/ loathsome sex/aw hell, the bills are being paid sex.

But it ain't anywhere enough.

I completely hear you there brother sojourner999

Remind her it's not wanting sex 3 times a week, it's just you asking for the same sex once and being refused multiple times that makes it appear like a lot.

I like that, very good.

That is genius, I must remember that one!

<p>It is also probable that your wife will have you believe you are Hannibal Lectre if you let her.</p><p>Your missus is telling you loud and clear that you are now a roomate and ATM provider of comforts to her.</p><p>The question is what do you propose to deal about this whole scenario.</p><p>Stay Strong &amp; Good Luck</p>

I am the donkey, the beast of burden.

You know what they say about "Donkey's"

If that makes you a deviant, then I'm one too.

Yep my hubby calls me a sicko and I'd be happy for it once in a blue moon. Going on 17 years without anything including cuddles

Sad Kimmie. You deserve better.

I've nominated myself President of the local Sex Addict Club, Sojourner. Do you want to join us? We have really fun weekly meetings, and I'm willing to increase our meeting frequency to 2-3 times per week if you're willing and able :-)

2 to 3 times per day? And I do not want to recover. Is that OK?

Maybe I'm really a sex addict and my wife has been able to keep me in check...hmm ...thank you sexless wife for keeping me from a life of addiction 😛

You are my favorite person in the world right now. So refreshing to see a woman with your attitude. Keep up the good work!

And is it terrible/deviant/abhorrent to want to give and receive sexual release and have physical and emotional intimacy? I think not.

So, what are you going to do to make your life more fulfilling? You don't have the power to change your wife, but you can change your life.

I am working on me projects. Will not leave due to how I feel about situation with young son. Will spread my wings one day.

Then call me a deviant too!

Peas in a pod.

I'm sorry. Typical refuser behavior to twist it around and act like you're a freak show for wanting a physical intimate relationship.

Sad, but I hear all the excuses. Well, at least all I would think and ones I go "hmmmm, how'd she have the ability to come up with that excuse."

Never underestimate a devious woman ;) At least I don't feel so alone now :D

No one is truly alone here at ILIASM.

Thank God! It's nice to know we aren't the only deviants around. When you look at it we seem normal and them ABNORMAL Yes I know I'm such a B

At first it was painful to realize the manipulations being performed by my wife to refuse sex. Now, however to see them for what they are, it makes me sad. She has not called me a deviant - yet. She does her best to make sure that any time we could be alone together (to have the intimacy that she says she never refuses) something comes up and she can put it off. And to be truthful I don't really want it from her anymore. It doesn't feel like love - it feels like obligation.

And spot on. Sometimes after a verbal exchange, she has me thinking I am a freak for wanting sex and intimacy. That does not last long though.

I hate how they mess with your head and make you feel like you are a weirdo for wanting a fulfilling adult relationship. My partner says we have a fabulous relationship apart from "that one LITTLE thing" that I always go on and on about, and that is my only focus. Sigh ...

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