Now that there is someone in my life, who I am really attracted to and care for, and he feels the same for me, but we can't be together. It's excruciating.
What's really awful is I didn't realize just how parched my body was. Every cell in my body is screaming out- for affection, for true caring, for TOUCH.
I just want to be held. For days, for decades, for centuries. I'm parched. It's the most excruciating feeling ever...
braverthanithink braverthanithink
31-35, F
4 Responses Aug 19, 2014

Interesting that at the get go, you could find all sorts of reasons not to dump the dud spouse.
Now, you are in the process of doing just that.
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Now, you are finding reasons why you can't be held and cherished. Whereas that may be true *today* it doesn't follow that it will be true tomorrow.
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Tread your own path.

You're so smart. That's what people are telling me- just WAIT. It'll sort itself out, but it can't be right now :( What a mess.

Wow, you're respecting the vows until the license goes in the bin. I have great respect for that. And deep compassion for how stressful this situation must be.

Seriously one of the downsides of outsourcing. Been there & not sure I'll go back. If you think this is excruciating think about coping with the end of such an intoxicating relationship in silence. 😖

I'm NOT outsourcing, that's the issue. I like the guy and I'm waiting for the natural end of the current relationship.

Outsourcing for emotional intimacy? Allowing yourself to connect with another while still in empty marriage?

ah, okay, probably so.

Getting exposed to what's missing makes us so painfully aware. I'm sorry :(

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This doesn't sound like you. You have replied to many a post at this site and you have been assertive and strong in your statements to others. How is it that now you seem so tentative when it comes to yourself and your potential well being? What is stopping you if you think this person can fill the empty place you have in your life? It just doesn't sound like you.

Oh, you're totally right. It's his - and a mutual decision. And there are many facets to a person- this is another side. Plus, maybe I'm a little off. I haven't been sleeping well- the latest record right now Is that I haven't slept in 24 hours. I think the stress is getting to me :/

Can you afford another session with your therapist?

Not now, but very soon I'll be able to afford REGULAR sessions ;) I'm actually doing pretty well.