So, reset sex weekend...and now I know that it has to end. It was like making love to an amorphous blob..and I just don't see the love in his eyes, or feel it in his touch.. He behaved as though he were receiving a massage, just totally passive..ugh.
So we talked about it, I told him to be more proactive and he got all defensive, saying I just want some alpha male type who's willing to do whatever he wants to my body, and treat me like an object..really?? He said that he was just not being selfish, and trying to please me rather than himself...reallllyyy???? How is complete passivity from a partner something that anyone would want??
So, anyway we tried again, he said he would be more selfish this time, bit the result was much the same. Sight improvement but not enough...
I now feel confidant that he is not in love with me.. I'm not sure he ever was, in any case I'm not in love with him now.. I don't even want to try anymore.
So now my journey begins..
LonelyRiss LonelyRiss
36-40, F
12 Responses Aug 19, 2014

Passion cannot be faked. If someone is really into you, you'll know it.

I am sorry you are dealing with this, regardless of the reason feelings of rejection like this chip away at you till there nothing left. I hope things get better for you!!

I'm so sorry for your situation. I hope that it gets better for you. Realizing you need more and preparing yourself to take the next steps is the first step. I'm in the same boat. Trying to build the strength to leave.

I'm so sorry, that sucks for both of you. He obviously has some deep seated insecurities and issues. I hope you two ultimately find what you need in whatever results you come to together.

You can not make someone love you or desire you. You can have the respect for yourself and the courage to set yourself free from a toxic relationship so you can be available for the type of love that you long for and deserve.

If you have to cry, plead, beg, and explain in order to try to get someone to want to have sex with you, you are with the wrong person.

Last time out, you'd rejected divorce as being an option in the foreseeable future.
Anything changed there ?
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Assuming the answer to that is "no", then probably a "distancing strategy" is the way to go. Pretty much exercising autonomy over your own life, what you do, where you go etc etc. Essentially living your life and keeping any interactions with him to a bare minimum.
Treat him as a room mate, with the level of respect you would accord a room mate.
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Tread your own path.

Yes, that is my plan at this point. I recognize that I need to do a lot of self-work before I'll be ready to leave. Thanks to all of you here at EP, I've seen that there is hope. I will find my way out of this mess! :)

Sister Lonelyriss you husband sounds like he is a refusing beta male to boot.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

Maybe he has a hard time lasting long enough to give you an ****** unless he tunes out & meditates thinks about puppies etc? Frequent sex & less pressure would help him last longer I think.

I was going to say that. Two attempts does not an alpha male make. The fact that he's willing to be criticized and try again seems like 1000% better than the norm here.

I don't think you understand the situation here. This isn't the first time.. Nor will it be the last, but I am tired of begging and pleading for the miserable scraps that I occasionally recieve. My husband is a very passive aggressive person. He is so good at it that he seems entirely passive,.. And his manipulations are undetectable to the untrained eye. I've never expected, or even wanted him to be "alpha" it's just not who he is. He was the one who said that is what I wanted, not me.. And in all fairness, saying that was only his way of turning the situation around in his favor. I.E. My desire for active participation on his part is somehow *unreasonable* because I'm just asking him to be someone he's not.. Well, maybe he's right.. Any hope that he should desire anything other than his own right hand may be unreasonable on my part...

Don`t endure that for years before doing something about it...do not waste your thirties in a loveless relationship...that`s what I did and today I just feel like I`ve awakened from a 10-year coma!

Yes, you've got it right when you say loveless relatinship. It's really not about the sex so much as the missing connection.. I feel as though I'm waking from a coma as well.

Yikes! That's rough...my guess; this isn't the first time he's shown his amorphous quality... I get a similar result from my wife. I totally get where you're coming from... I'm about ready to throw in the towel myself.

Unfortunately, during times like these, you find out who your friends really are...

I have had 20 years of that, don't let it happen to you, it should be fun, passionate..not a chore

Yes, wife loves me to get her off but has no interest in my pleasure. Says that is up to me to get myself off. She provides the vessel for me to use and that is all that is required of her.