It's been quite a while since I've posted here. I check in every now and then, and quite often see stories from people with a case of the what ifs, the ones we all experience when considering leaving our SM, and I'd like to weigh in on that if I may.

I've been out of my SM for 4 years now, and I'm not in another relationship. I've had a few that haven't worked out, and yes, I get lonely. I sometimes get frustrated at the seeming lack of eligible, available women out there, and the fact that sex is a four letter word in my life right now...


Despite the loneliness and the frustration and the lack of someone to love, I look at my life today, and the growth I've experienced in the past 4 years, and the people I've met, and the fantastic, interesting sex I've had, and the hobbies I've developed and the stuff I've learned about myself; most of all I look at MYSELF, and I would never, ever, choose to have spent the last 4 years in my SM. Despite the loneliness, the heartbreaks, the frustrations, the irritations, the fact that I have no family within 10000 miles, the instability of not having someone when I lost my job, I have not once wished I'd stayed.
Iamhere4me Iamhere4me
36-40, M
3 Responses Aug 20, 2014

In a way we traded the difficulties of SM with a whole new set of difficulties. The difference is that now we don't have that factor beyond our control of living to the whims of a refuser. Cheers!

Yes. No life is complete without it's share of difficulties, but having a degree of control over them is so far removed from the helplessness of being at the whim of a refuser.

<p>Since Feb 2009, I have never - that is NEVER - seen a story from an escapee from an ILIASM shithole saying - "Gee I wish I was back in that shithole".<br />
Not a single one.<br />
-<br />
Tread your own path.</p>

Yup Baz, I'm with you there. I've never seen an "I wish I'd stayed"

Thank you for your post, Iamhere4me. I needed to read your words of encouragement today. I am emerging from my SM, and there are days when my divorce weighs heavily on my mind. I need to be reminded that my life as a single woman is likely to be so much more fulfilling than my sterile marriage. You helped bolster my hope in a better future once I am free.

As Baz corroborates, I have yet to see, in all my time on this forum, a person saying they wish they had stayed so the odds are in your favour :-)