So after my wife's MRI yesterday, she was feeling a whole lot better as they injected her both with anesthetic and cortisone to help the inflammation. We chatted a little before she had to go off and get our boys from daycare, it was good to do that during the day.

After we put our boys down for the night, we talk about the upcoming follow up with her doctor the following day (today), and she says she's already talked to him about sexual activity and he said it should be fine as long as we're careful. She shows me a website her doctor gave her that shows some positions that can work for people that have had hip resurfacing

(http://www.surfacehippy.info/sexafterresurfacing.php)

and asks me if I want to try some out :) I'm game, and say I had also wanted to try out getting her off with toys in case the positions don't work, which she thought was a great idea as well.

So we start with her, she gets off twice with a toy and totally loves it, last time she experimented with them was in college and didn't really like it, guess equipment has come a long way. She goes down on me and then we try a hybrid position (her on the edge of bed, legs down and not very far apart, me leaning over her with legs together and straight) and it works perfectly...no pain for her, and happy ending for me. Whole session was like 2 hours, we are both totally spent. Best night in a long, long time...we both sleep like the dead and thankfully the kids do too.

So this morning she had her ortho follow up - as suspected, both a labral tear on both her hips and bone spurs on both her ball joints as well that caused the tears, doctor suspects they happened during the teenage years and definitely caused the tears. So they are scheduling her for surgery on the worst hip first week of September, going to do the other one 6 weeks later. Difficult, but the doctor is very confident she will have a very good outcome if we go this treatment route.

So I am going offline for a while to focus on helping her heal and juggling our family obligations during this time. I know everyone has their own opinion on this, but I feel like a 500 lb weight has been lifted from my shoulders and the dark clouds have parted. We will continue to work on our communication and hopefully over time repair some of the trust that was lost the past several years, but I feel that she is showing genuine interest in working on my concerns and needs despite everything else going on.

Thanks again to all the great feedback and perspectives everyone has given here on EP, and good luck to all with your own situations...I truly hope everyone finds their own rainbow, whatever that may be.

Take care...signing off.

ThankfulDude ThankfulDude
41-45, M
11 Responses Aug 20, 2014

Your run of stories reads like she has been playing you like a piano up until the "hip revelation", which has effectively re-set the clock.
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So now the clock starts anew, but this time with a credible reason as the basis of the re-set, unlike her prior bullshit.
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I don't think I'd be burning my ILIASM membership card if I were you.
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Tread your own path.

bazzar.. you stun me every time.

Good luck to you and your family!!!!

I hope your wife's surgery goes well for her and she has a speedy recovery. Mostly I hope that the surgeries will help her feel less pain and that you can regain the intimacy you desire

Thats great, a legitimate medicle issue that was followed up along with a willing spouse seeking to get to the bottom of her medicle issues and fix her marital sex life.

I hope it works out well from here.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

I am happy for you both! I hope the hip and marriage rehab have good outcomes!

Melancholy, THAT'S GREAT!! You found out what was causing her the pain, you're doing something about it together... AND you got the big nut! Sounds like your on the entrance ramp to happiness highway!😀

Tangible action, of her own volition! She would have had to ask her doc about that - I doubt he or she would have volunteered it. And, she brought it back to you to talk about. She could have stuffed it in a drawer. Encouraging.

I think its awesome you've made progress. I wish you well.

That she talked to her doctor about sexual activity despite her medical problems indicates that she is interested in restarting your sex life. Her actions afterward support this hypothesis.

I hope things continue to go well, including when she's recovering.

I also hope you'll explore in individual therapy how you have felt such guilt and shame about wanting to share physical intimacy with your wife.

Your wife, too, may benefit from individual therapy, because it's possible that she's only able to be sexually expressive when she knows that there's not much opportunity to have sex (such as now, when she knows that the surgery will make her out of commission for i********** for a while). However, it will be up to her to decide whether to pursue that.

Metta,
I like that you bring issues to light that one prefers to shove under the rug.

Glad to see you have your answer.
Wishing a speedy recovery for your wife and happy sex life endeavours ;)

So happy for you both,,, you both take care of each other. Hoe all goes well...