Dont Know What to Do and Im Losing Hope

I am losing hope in my marriage and dont know what to do.

I have not  had sex with my wife in almost 3 months. 

She is getting fat and Im turned off.  Yesterday she looked like she was pregnant....

I just have no desire, yet Im STRESSSED and tense all the time....

paleale1 paleale1
8 Responses Mar 2, 2009


Actually people....just the opposite of the norm...<br />
<br />
I married her "in spite of " her looks. <br />
At the time I thought I was being moral, self actualized, spiritual by marrying her despite a lack of physical attraction.<br />
<br />
We talked about it and got it in the clear before we got married.<br />
It went something like this...<br />
<br />
I love you but Im concerned about you weight and my physical attraction. I know you have started losing weight and getting in shape but I have to say....I dont know if I should marry you or you should marry me because this could become a big issue...<br />
She said..."Well, Im committed to staying in shape and getting better."<br />
<br />
We have gone through it for 17 years....and she basically has given up...and Im losing hope...<br />
<br />
Right now Im thinking....."why didnt I rely more on my instincts back then?"......

Just close your eyes and think of england .... or football .. or something.<br />
A bird in the hand is ... well ... err better than the hand ... maybe :)

I agree with the above. If you married her just for her looks then you are facing a lot of problems because looks change. If you married her because you really love her you can get past anything but if you really hate it that much then talk to her but not in a condescending way. Let her know you love her and are worried about her health and don't make her feel bad about herself because that will make matters worse.

Did you marry her for her looks? hate to tell you but over the years you to will do alot of changing. In the mean time she's lost weight looks good and you have lost all your hair and walk bent over...I think you need to rethink what made you marry her in the first place. That alone should turn you on.

I believe people need to communicate. If you can't be "there" for her on this, then your marriage will suffer. Tell her with love in your heart that you are worried about her health and her emotional health, ask her if you can help her. She probably is feeling so bad about herself, she doesn't want you to touch her.

i think you need to relax and remember why you married her in the first place ... if it was just for how she look's then you should take a long look at yourself.. no one ever stays the same...if you married her for love and devotion then you try keep that within your heart.. and if her weight is a true obstacle then help her with diet and exercise... but remember this being over weight should never be about looks just about ones own health..

Have you talked to your wife about the weight issues? If she doesn't know it's bothering you she can't try to fix it.